SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Tonight is a Match Stir event at a lounge. I went to one several months ago. It was ok. Had one drink, talked to a few people. No one that caught my eye.

Anyway tonight is another one. And I am trying to determine what I am feeling. I believe I would like to possibly meet someone. But to be honest, I don't know if I really want to put the effort in to attending. You girls know the drill. Curl hair, all the makeup, clothes that look good (not my comfy sweats). Its cold, I don't like cold. I am 75% not going, 25% going. But I don't go out at all. I have no social life. I am the mom. Family is what my life has revolved around. Now I tell myself that if I don't put myself out there, I don't even have a chance. But maybe I'm not ready and that is why I am dragging my heals. Or is it the whole OLD. I am very unimpressed with the results. Either I get youngsters who are looking for only one thing or the guys that are 15 years older than me and look totally out of shape. The ones that I might be interested in, either don't respond or respond then poof before ever meeting. Or they are sooo boring online chatting that I just can't move forward with it.

Am I just not ready? Is it the online thing that I am so annoyed with? I don't know.

I wish it was spring/summer/fall so I could be outside enjoying activities that I can do by myself.

T/j I probably need some girlfriends/wing women to do things with. Again. Family was my life, now I am pretty much alone.

I would say not to force yourself to go to an event that would make you feel uncomfortable and maybe even a little bad by its conclusion.

Your lack of interest may be a combination of things. Who knows? The point is that you don't really feel like going so, follow your gut and don't go. Another event will come along soon enough.

I understand the need to get yourself out there and put some effort into making a few changes now that life has tipped upside down. As my dad used to say, the pen doesn't write unless you move it. BUT, there are so many other ways to get yourself out there. You certainly don't need to just be the mom all the time. At the same time, there are hobbies, sports, girlfriends, PTA at the kids' schools, volunteer opportunities, cooking classes, photography classes, travel groups, etc. etc. All those things are out there for you to explore.

I'm the same as you - I'm just really apathetic a lot of the time about dating. I haven't done it yet and don't know when I will. It's not like when we were younger and there wasn't much effort that went into it. Now, there are kids and jobs and homes to take care of. I have no idea how people even find the time.

Sometimes, it upsets me and makes me feel like I'll be alone forever. My IC always tells me that finding my way in this new life and perhaps finding a new partner doesn't necessarily start with online dating. She said the only thing you need to do is expand your circle a bit. She actually told me that she doesn't give a shit if I want to join a knitting class with a bunch of 80 year old women. Those women are new people who can then introduce you to more new people and then, before you know it, there are new friends and new people coming into your life with all sorts of possibilities that you never imagined during your M and the D process.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself. There are so many more ways to find a new beginning.

I have been on Match for a while with modestly good results, but I have not attended any Stir events. I don't usually meet people I am interested in at bars, so I assume (maybe incorrectly) that I won't meet anyone at a Stir.

However, if women do the drill, curl hair, all the makeup, clothes that look good, I think I am going to check out a Stir event. That sounds fun. Writing a note-to-self: make a haircut appointment get your Stir on.

Leopold,

I had some fun at the first one I attended. They had a game to help you break the ice with people. It might be worth it to check it out, if you pay for match. This even was only $5, so not costly.

STBM

I am working on expanding my horizons. Trying to make new friends (all mine are part of couples). I am working on volunteering at Red Cross, and a couple of others. All of my hobbies are outside/warm weather so this time of year is hard on me to have outside interest.

The kids except DS16 are all out of schools. I used to be on most PTA, sports boards, now that is gone.

I am working on it. And I just need to keep expanding my life!