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inconnu (original poster member #24518) posted at 12:31 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
My membership was just recently upgraded to a premium membership, which means I now have access to a lot of my older posts. So it's kind of like a time machine to my past, and a safe one, because I can't change the past and end up with a different future, kwim?
I've already spent more than several hours re-reading threads from when I joined SI as inconnu back in 2009. That was right after my 3rd d-day, btw. I had found the secret cell phone which confirmed ex was still cheating.
I got to see the posts I made when ex walked out on me and the kids, the ones I posted when I filed for divorce, and of course the ones from the 2009 Christmas from hell. I've only made it through the beginning of 2010, and except for the very beginning of my posts, I've been randomly reading threads.
I expected it to be triggery, and sad, but it wasn't.
Instead, what I could really see is how far I've come since then. And omg, the love and support I've received from both past and present SIers...there aren't words to adequately describe it. But god, my heart and soul are so filled with positive energy right now. It's just amazing.
SI is amazing. Thank you, all. 
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:12 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
Keep reading and you should get an idea of exactly how huge an impact YOU have had on other posters here, inconnu. I know that when I go back to read my posts from 2011 and 2012, you are all over them sharing support and love, and I know I wasn't the only beneficiary.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 1:47 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
Yeah Inconnu!! You have helped me and many others. Thank you.
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 2:16 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
^^ what they said.
I too have read through my first posts I was astonished at how clear the situation is to me now when back then I was so deep in the BS fog I didn't know which was was up.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
inconnu (original poster member #24518) posted at 2:47 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
devistatedmom ( member #24961) posted at 2:49 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
I agree too inconnu! I think you know there are many days that you kept me sane. 
Thanks for always being here inconnu!!! It's been quite the journey.
BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 3:30 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
I get every word you wrote. I have recently read back and it makes sense to me now why certain SI'ers have their names on my heart. Thank God for the wisdom that sticks and sticks around!
(((inconnu)))
We've come a long way!
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 6:13 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
You're a brave woman; I'm afraid to upgrade and see what a stewing mess I was back in 2009. 
Even if you hadn't upgraded, we could have told you you've come a long way, baby. 
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
IrishLass518 ( member #34373) posted at 6:18 AM on Saturday, December 14th, 2013
You're one of my favorites to read and to get comments from. You have helped me to heal and made me laugh and find hope in myself. You're awesome inconnu
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
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