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TXBW68 (original poster member #36456) posted at 3:39 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
When he moved home in February, I gave myself a deadline of December 15th to try to make our marriage work. The date was based on the amount of time we were separated - almost 10 months. On 12/15, he would have been home longer than he was away. I did not tell him about the deadline.
Unfortunately, the best thing that happened to us was the separation. It forced him to grow up. To really look at himself - and me - and what he wants in life. While he was sitting in that tiny apartment alone, he discovered that he truly loves me - and no one else. He discovered that he was acting like a selfish prick for years and that the only reason we had the life we had was because I held it together.
He has learned that loving someone is not a passive emotion. It is a verb, an action. He tries everyday to show me in his actions how much he loves me and appreciates everything I do for our family. He doesn't take anything for granted anymore. And he's happy with this "new" way of life - free of porn, internet chatting, FB, inappropriate behavior, etc. He says that he has BTDT and the only outcome is losing me; therefore, he never wants to be that person again.
So the deadline comes and goes. No trumpets blaring. No party. Just another day. I woke up in the arms of my husband, like I do every day now. We snuggled for a bit and then carried on with our day.
My Wayward husband is Wayward no more. I finally have the marriage that I always thought I had. I love my husband and he loves me. We aren't perfect. I still have triggers occasionally. We work through them together. But I have no doubts that we should be together.
And, we both know how lucky we are to have survived this mess and still be together. The odds certainly were not on our side! A great big hug and "Thank You" to all of the people here - and IRL - who supported me through this mess!
Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now
Gotmegood ( member #41407) posted at 4:02 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
Nothing but a sigh of happiness for you. You deserve this! What a strong person you are.....
Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo
HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 4:04 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
Awwww. This is so beautiful to read. Thank you for sharing this.
I am happy for you both.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 4:46 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
Happy for you!
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 9:04 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
I'm so happy for the two of you!
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 9:11 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
(((TXBW68)))
Good for you.
I am happy he has been able to step up.
You deserve it.
Congrats
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
megs56 ( member #40791) posted at 9:19 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
I am so happy for you! Your story gives me hope. Not necessarily for my relationship, but just in general. :)
(((TXBW68)))
2013:
Me: BGF - 29
Him: WBF - 32
2014 - I broke up with him and now I am trying to heal.
Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.
womaninflux ( member #39667) posted at 9:20 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
Congrats. I hope to be you someday.
BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"
HurtNewlywed ( new member #41523) posted at 9:31 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
I am so happy for you. I like reading positive outcomes like this. I'm only three weeks out from d day so I have a long time to go yet, but reading this gives me hope!
Me: 32
Him: 36
Married for 3.5 months
D-day: 11/27/13
Status: I'm undecided. He wants to reconcile.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 9:46 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
I am so happy for you both. Reading this made me smile.
spond ( member #41686) posted at 9:52 PM on Thursday, December 19th, 2013
So happy... glad some end good.
BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling
TXBW68 (original poster member #36456) posted at 12:00 AM on Friday, December 20th, 2013
Thank you all for the warm wishes!
This road has not been easy to travel by any means. But in the end, it has been worth it. My friends on SI kept me sane for many months during the worst of it. I hope my story can bring a little bit of hope to others in the same situation.
Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now
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