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hopeandchange (original poster member #33287) posted at 11:55 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Okay, I should share some recent experience so others can learn and avoid.
Backgound: ex WW and I had in house separation while we both looked for new homes. Plan was for her to buy and I would refinance marital home to cash her equity out. Several of her offers feel through and I found a home and close next Friday. 
Our D was finalized in December. My youngest DS has 3 more years of HS and I agreed to make provisions to provide one half of the mortgage payment on the marital home in addition to CS and paying for all of my kids expenses. I will not receive my equity in the home until it is sold in 3 years. I was glad to do this for DS.
So for the lesson learned. The addition of the one half of the mortgage payment and CS with my mortgage on the new home put me over the threshold for mortgage guidelines. 
Fortunately, my lender is working with me to provide the mortgage for the new home and I have my fingers crossed.
So, I was financially able to do this (though a stretch), allow DS to complete HS in the wonderful home he grew up in, and give my ex WW the opportunity to search for a home that is good for her as opposed to buying whatever is available. It was a good thing to do but now may have negative and negative consequences.
H&C
BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 12:32 AM on Sunday, January 12th, 2014
What a wonderful father you are to put your kids welfare above your own.
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
Gr8Lady ( member #36307) posted at 2:41 AM on Sunday, January 12th, 2014
You wear a halo. Your DD may not realize it now, but one day she will and it will be worth far more than the present monetary sacrifice .
My own brother is going through the same thing financially providing for his children.
It is men like the two of you that inspire and give me hope.
There ARE good guys out there and you are living proof
BS: Me (70yo)FWH: HIM (72 yo)) serial infidelities over past 35 years
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2013
friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over a
year a year. Now his health is declining,
among the lack of communication.
JerseyCowgirl ( member #41441) posted at 1:59 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
I will keep my fingers crossed for you but as working in this field please know that you new lender looks at your ratios--income vs debt so even though you have D papers stating your ex is supposed to pay a portion of loan on marital home it is still considered a total against you because of your name on the loan. If she does not pay her portion you are on the hook for the total just as she is if her name is on the loan. But you are being amazingly generous in doing this..you, sir, are a great dad.
Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!
7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 6:51 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
Hope everything works out for you HandC!
D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!
peridot ( member #18334) posted at 7:19 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
Hope everything works out for you.
I think...therefore, I'm single.
It is what it is.
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