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Newest Member: FaithGrace

Reconciliation :
It's been a good couple of weeks - no major issues, so why

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 stunnedin12 (original poster member #38141) posted at 9:11 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014

can I not relax and just enjoy the respite!?!

I hate the background thought always lurking that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. (so to speak).

I know - time. Delightful time.

Actions - not words - consistent actions.

Words - not berating me and not being a jerk.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse

Lawyers involved.


posts: 689   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2013
id 6665732
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 9:40 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014

Because your system is still on hyper-aware status. Your body is still geared up in that fight or flight pattern and it takes a long time for it to let down. You body has to re-learn how to do that, and only after your mind starts to relax, and then nothing happens for a while, will your body start to slowly and cautiously unwind as well.

It really doesn't have anything to do with you, IFKWIM. It's a eons-old response built into your body to keep you alive.

Which is a very long way of saying that darned 4-letter word: time.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6665785
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Keepcalm ( member #36234) posted at 2:22 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2014

Two years out, I still find myself on alert. I consider it part of the new smarter me. I don't drive myself crazy with it, but I consider it a new skill set.

Fool me once...

BS Me 57
WS Him 55
Married 30 yrs
DDay 1/28/2012
I have no idea what is going on

posts: 200   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Virginia
id 6666171
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