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A really common suggestion to BS's to help them deal with the A is to exercise. I've been a runner for years. Love it, or at least I did. Since learning about the A I am finding more times than not I come home from a run more full of rage than when I set out to clear my head. Like fuming mad. I try to distract myself with music, but I'm just ruminating over everything. It's extremely frustrating to me since running has always been a release for me and I thought that I would be able to rely on it to blow off steam.

Has anyone experienced this or something similar? This is really upsetting to me. Hoping it will pass.

I was one of those people who survived the shitstorm because of exercise. When you hit the rage stage sometimes nothing seems to be enough. You will cycle in and out of it though.

Since learning about the A I am finding more times than not I come home from a run more full of rage

I was never a runner so running was new for me. I did it because it was the only way I could tire myself out. I was pissed off and sad at the same time. I literally would run or workout until I was ready to pass out. It was the only way I could give my brain a break. If I thought about STBXWW, AP, or the A I ran or lifted harder. It did help me. The thoughts were still there in the beginning but I was so tired that I didn't have the energy to stay mad. Sure it came back the next day but I was at the gym the next day as well.

Don't know if this will help you but have you started any new actiities. Any activities I used to do prior to Dday no longer did anything for me. I gave them all up. Most of them involved doing things by myself or with the EX so it was almost natural that I would give them up. Working out was new to me and it gave me something to focus on. Finding a new strength routine, figuring out which body parts I would work today, focusing on bettering my running times, or getting up to 1,2,3, or 4 miles without walking. The fact that working out was a new activity meant I had to invest time, energy, and brain power into it. It became a short but legitimate break from the shitstorm for a few hours. Maybe trying some different activities in addition to your exercise will help you as well.

The beginning is really tough no matter what but the more time you spend focusing on things you want to do and trying new things definitely helps. Just my 2 cents. I wish you the best.

ETA: You won't be angry forever and it won't consume your thoughts forever either. it does take time and you will cycle through the stages a few times. Just remember that whether you R or D it does get better.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 10:09 AM, February 7th (Friday)]

there are those sports where you have lots of time to think and running is one of them. I rarely go because I come back with rage too. However, if I swim laps (have to count so no time to ruminate) or if I go to my fitness bootcamp class (I just try to stay alive) then my thoughts don't wander.

Any chance you could try something else? Where you have to concentrate on form or counting or something like that?

Yes yoga, and I do take it when I can squeeze in time for a class. The class I take really challenges me and I do get a mental vacation. I just really miss running. It's that one activity that I've always loved more than any other. Really mad that the A has taken the joy out of it for me. Grrr.

I myself play recreational league ice hockey. After my Dday it was highly beneficial for me. The best part is I don't sit on bench for extended periods of time stewing over thoughts because shifts are 1-2 minutes apart - not long enough to even start stewing. I currently play two times a week. After my D though, I'll have to cut back to once a week. I'll probably start incorporating some running in there. Other than that I do some weight lifting and stomach crunches for my game. I even pepper in a couple of laps of just walking around the block, and I'm usually talking on the phone with my friends or family while I'm doing it.

Bottom line I agree with exercise and highly recommend it, especially just walking around the neighborhood at first for new BS. It gets the blood flowing to the grey matter and helps you think things through.