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Wayward Side :
judgement

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 Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 9:46 AM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2014

I went out today with my BFF and a friend of hers I am friendly with. We were talking and my breakup came up. I was honest about my cheating and his. There was an immediate feeling of judgement and k felt disgusted. A couple hours later I find out the guy she is messing with has a girlfriend and she knows this. She is an OW...I got so mad internally. We went to dinner had some more honest convo about my abhorrent past behaviors to which I said I made bad choices and am trying to change. Not the first time I've been judged for this but it came as a blow.


posts: 3615   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2012
id 6690361
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HUFI-PUFI ( member #25460) posted at 12:08 PM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2014

Unagie - I was honest about my cheating and his. There was an immediate feeling of judgement and I felt disgusted ...

A lot of people are quite judgmental in nature and seemingly quite proud of the fact. They revel in a smug superiority of "well, i never" attitude that denies the reality that under different circumstances, under different situations, their morality is not guaranteed to last any better than anyone else.

And yet, inside of the WS heart, you can understand the judgement and the vilification. We broke sacred trusts, we hurt our lovers, spouses and partners to the core. Adultery is one of the 10 commandments and at a certain time, historically, we would all have suffered grievous harm at the hands of the spouses, their families, our churches and the community. That bias still exists in our reptile brain. To a outsider, its like we have broken a fundamental rule of nature with our affairs and therefore, we should be judged. Yecch..

However, as Floridaredman says, this is one of those consequences of adultery that we must face.

Sorry you have to go through this.

HUFI

Don’t listen to your head, it’s easily confused. Don’t listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

posts: 3319   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Azilda, Northern Ontario
id 6690397
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itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 3:51 PM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2014

So wait a minute....the girl that was disgusted by your choices is an OW herself? Did I read that correctly? If so:

Hi there Pot, I'd like you to meet Kettle.

Good for you for owning your past behaviors and choices, and for admitting that you're flawed. You're trying to change. It is evident in everything you do.

I don't even know you, Unagie, but I can see your growth.

(((((Unagie)))))

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2011   ·   location: NWPA
id 6690610
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Brandon808 ( member #35619) posted at 4:26 PM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2014

@Unagie,

She isn't judging you for your cheating. She is judging you for your remorse. She is judging you for your own self-judgment. You are not excusing the cheating and just being around someone who is self-accountable makes an unremorseful person uncomfortable. jmho

posts: 4634   ·   registered: May. 20th, 2012
id 6690665
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EvolvingSoul ( member #29972) posted at 7:24 PM on Tuesday, February 18th, 2014

Brandon nailed it.

Me: WS (63)Him: Shards (58)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

We’re going to make it.

posts: 2571   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010   ·   location: The far shore.
id 6690953
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 Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 12:09 AM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2014

Yes you read that correctly. Thank you Yuri and itainteasy. Brandon I think you're right. It was a slip of the tongue that I even found out she was an OW so..yeah.


posts: 3615   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2012
id 6691371
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