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When I kicked STBX out in Dec he tossed the checkbook down in front of me and sneeringly said "You can do the bills now!" Ok .. so I'm trying to pay everything on time and he's using the debit card and not telling me (NO, he's NOT Passive/Aggressive, why do you ask??? *sarcasm font*). Today I was reconciling the checkbook which is completely FUBAR ... and realize HE took the next book of checks and HE paid 2 bills that I had already PAID!! What a dick. So ... now there's over a $100 less in the account than should be. I called the Water company about the double payment and it would be a pain in the ass to get a refund, so I'm going to just let it ride .. it's a quarterly bill, so I'm paid up til Aug!! Now I know he's just trying to fuck things up ... what an asshole!

Maybe go ahead and get that new checking account in your name only????? If you've already filed and there is a restraining order on certain things that may not be allowable.

What an asshole! Sorry you have to deal with him BAB61

I have my own account, but since I haven't filed ... we live in a no-fault state and have a 6 month mandatory separation I can't just take all the funds out of the joint account. Gotta play nice. Of course he probably thought I didn't pay those bills since he neglected to leave them here.... 1 was overdue, but the overdue notice was the first I had seen. Just so frustrating that he is still doing the NPD shit and he's not even here!

This is something that you are going to have to address.....even if it falls on deaf ears or you have to deal with a bunch of personal attacks while doing it.

Email to stbx -- "It is my understanding that you wanted me to pay the bills but while reconciling the checking account today, I noticed that 2 bills have been double-paid. We cannot both be paying the same bill without it leading to financial issues for us....so in the future, either forward any outstanding bills to me to pay or let me know when you pay one so that I don't also pay for the same bill."

If he gives you any pushback about this, then: "ok, stbx, let me know which bills you would like to be responsible for handling and that way I'll know not to pay those."

As far as his debit card use.....I wouldn't say anything to him. Just check your account online everyday and notate his expenditures. Trying to get him to tell you about every charge he makes is going to lead to too much brain damage for you. Just do damage control in this area (for now, anyway).

My stbx has done this shit also. I almost double-paid a $14K bill last spring.....because he *took it upon himself* to pay it 'first'.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 11:56 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

Y ou are correct Gonnabe2016, I do have to check the account everyday. *sigh* It's triggery for me because STBX basically harangued me about the account balance years ago when *I* did all the bills. He got so nasty about it I told him to just do them. Just recently realized he did it so he could hide his 'skimming' to support his A's. Omfg! So I literally have to force myself to even sign into the accounts and I get all jittery & feel anxious, kwim? I'm doing it ...but it sucks!

I get all jittery & feel anxious, kwim? I'm doing it ...but it sucks!

Yes, I know that feeling very well. And the hyper-vigilance will seriously wear you down, but you have to do it in order to protect yourself.