SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A couple of weeks ago, I volunteered with an older woman. We had some down time, so we chatted about our lives. She told me that she and her husband were going on a cruise soon to celebrate their big anniversary. I thought she would tell me that they were celebrating their 50th, but when I asked which one it was, she said it was their 10th.

I came to learn that she was married to her first husband for 16 years but then got divorced. After getting divorced, she spent 24 years living single. She traveled with her sister, raised her kids, and had a ball. She reconnected with her current husband after she had retired, left the area, and lived out of state for several years. When he heard she was back in town, he got in touch to ask her out. They were married a year later.

I'm not saying that we all need to wait 24 years before we start dating again, but I loved her attitude-- she got divorced, but she didn't need a relationship to enjoy life again. She lived life on her terms, traveling and spending time with her family. When the right person came along, she already had a full life, and she wasn't looking desperately to find someone because she felt lonely.

It was nice to see her healthy perspective; we are constantly barraged by the "you must be coupled up no matter what" messages that are hurled at us from every direction. She seems really happy, and they are enjoying a great retirement together. I guess that sometimes good things do come to those who wait.

That warms my heart, and gives me hope!

That's kind of how I'm living my life right now. I took an early retirement and moved out of state. I have come to terms with the past and now go with the flow of life. I try to be a better person each and every day. My main goal in life is to make ME happy. For some reason after my M imploded I felt I needed another woman in my life. I dated all the wrong people for the wrong reasons. I threw myself into the search so much it sort of became another chore I had to do. It became a damn bother to me after awhile. I was frustrated that I could not meet the right person to make me happy. Then I had the A-ha moment that its not up to another person to make me happy, its up to me to make ME happy. So I have been on that road since. I still date when I can and have had some semi relationships. But these days I do what I want. And if the good lord inserts a woman into my life that's a perfect fit for me I figure I'll know it. Not because I think I need to have her there, but because I want to have her there. If that makes any sense.

Nice story, ta74. Hope you're enjoying the volunteering.

She lived life on her terms, traveling and spending time with her family

That's my story now, only include lots of friends. I'm enjoying it immensely.

Stronger08, that's a great attitude. I retired early, too, but before DDay. Retirement is MUCH more enjoyable on MY terms than it ever was in my M. I haven't officially moved out of state, but I have spent a LOT of time away from where I call home, even when I'm in the same state. I now have several "homes".

p.s. Very happy to be at another of my 'homes' this particular winter!

I now have several "homes".

I got a couple myself. One in the mountains and one in the city. Also been thinking about buying a condo in Fla. next year. Gotta see how my investments perform before then. Real estate is so cheap these days. If I hit hard times I can always rent them out. Funny when I was M my income was 4X as much as it is now and I was always broke and in debt. Now I don't owe anybody, my homes are paid for and I have money working for me instead of me working for money. Don't take a brain surgeon to figure out who was blowing all the dough. Options are great to have !!!!

So true, Stronger. I hope it works out for you.

Ta74, sorry for the t/j......

I talked to an older woman - upper 70s who was recently widowed. She went through a long illness with her second husband and it was tough on them both. She had been married prior to that and divorced.

She told me the best time of her life was when she was single between husbands. She encouraged me to embrace my single status and enjoy it as a time when I only had myself to answer to. Of course, my children were grown when I got D so that was possible for me.

I have enjoyed my independence and freedom and I was lucky to find a man who allows me all the freedom and independence I want - doesn't crowd me or try to control me. He just enhances the wonderful life I already have.

NL