SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am on vacation, and have done a good job of breaking from the drama. I am feeling scared about the future...about finances, which I shouldn't be. I have a good job and some security... It's just being on my own, without my partner.

I am nervous about the emotional baggage I will have that I haven't realized yet, that I may never get the family I want because of him.

I got hit on aggressively last night, which was kind of a trigger for me...made me think all men are dirtbags (which they aren't)

Sigh...just having a mood.

What I should focus on is I have my own place to go home to-where there was no other women playing house in while I was gone. I don't have anxiety about what he's doing. I am not going home to lies.... And I was married to one of those guys...not any more.

One thing I learned through all this is that safety, security... it is an illusion. Rugs do get pulled out from under your feet when you least expect it, and sometimes by people you least expect it from. Shit happens. People die suddenly, unexpectedly.

At 50 I was suddenly alone, unemployed for 15 years, no real "marketable" skills and pretty stressed about the future... Guess what - I'm still standing. And for today you are too. Tomorrow's worries can wait 'til tomorrow. Today - Enjoy vacation!!

Waiting for all the chips to fall is hard. Not knowing exactly what the financial picture will show when all is said and done is a stresser. Feeling wobbly is to be expected.

I totally understand the not getting to have the family you wanted pain. While I do have a son, I never wanted him to be an only child. I wanted him to have a sibling. Given my age, it is quite unlikely that will happen.

A vacation is the perfect time to work through some of the feelings so that healing can continue. Wishing you strength and some happy vacation moments!