SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, I just need to know I'm not crazy . . . maybe I am

I am really struggling with wanting to have sex with WH. It seems we communicate better and get along okay. I still don't trust him completely. But, all I can think when he wants to have sex is that this is all I am to him. He went outside of the marriage sexually, and now that's all he seems to need to heal from the experience. I find it kinda offensive,

Anybody else feel this way?

You sound like me pre DDay, it sucked. What is he doing to show you that he needs all of you (brains, body, thoughts, emotions etc)? In the "old days" of our marriage sex was about getting him off, now it's about connection and love. This has made a huge difference to both of us, it's far more fulfilling and fun.

now that's all he seems to need to heal from the experience

Your love making is not there to heal him, I would be hurt by this as well. Start by talking it over with him. Sex talk is hard (if it's not a part of your dialogue yet) but it's so worth it, it has brought us so much closer.

Good luck, I think this is very important.

I have a hard time with sex after the A also. I feel like he is with me only for sex or that his mind is on the OW. I keep talking to him about this and thankfully he is willing to talk to me. I believe my WH is truly remorseful and will do anything to make me believe it. I don't think sex is an easy topic for any couple after an A. But having sex is certainly helping to rebuild intimacy.

I hope this helps you know I too struggle with what you have written about.

For me it's a reward for good behavior

Being sober means we can have sex

It wasn't easy the first time tho

Every day after DDay more than 7 months ago me and my WH made love, sometimes even 2x a day... we do it to be close... much more intimate than before the A... sometimes we are wondering whether it is a wrong way to get close, but what else can we do... at first I felt dirty about it... as a cheater I felt I was worthless... but now more and more he is telling me how much he loves me, adores me etc and I feel good about myself to please him and to be close to him. I encourage him to tell me every time he wants to have sex... and he says he wants all the time :) ... and he tells me that he wanted this before the A... if you think he is truly remorsefull think what if he "only" wants to close to you, to give you himself, not to get smtg from you.

I can't say that I completely relate but sex is much more difficult than it has ever been.

DH has become a much more enthusiastic and generous lover post A, which should thrill me. I see how hard he tries to please me. The problem is 1) he wants to have sex every day; and 2) I have a difficult time making love to him. I can have rough fun sex but I struggle with being vulnerable enough to truly be intimate with him at the moment. I'm hoping that this will change over time.

Sorry for the t/j.

[This message edited by Neznayou at 7:26 AM, March 12th (Wednesday)]