SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sometimes since separating I feel like my life is following the wrong script.

We've both moved on, but it still feels (for the lack of a better word) wrong... like though things were far from perfect, when we were together it just seemed in-line with how the world was meant to operate.

Now I feel like I'm faking it... like I'm forcing this new script. Sometimes I'm so sure of it, sometimes I'm barely aware of it. You know that concept of "flow?" It's like I've been out-of-flow since the breakup.

Do you guys think this is an indication of needing to do more grieving?... or really any advice would be appreciated. At first these feelings were welcome-- like it made me feel closer to her; but now I just want them to go away. I want to have some serenity and peace about it-- I just want to move on.

Have you been to IC?

I have been to IC-- we've spent a lot of time around the grieving process. My IC does specialize in my addiction, so we spend a fair amount of time focused on that, though.

...it's almost like there seems to be two strains of feelings-- like one that is the grief of losing teh relationship, and it's diminishing in intensity over time (and effort)... but then there's this baseline feeling that I'm trying to describe... like that very specific sharpness around "out-of-flowness" hasn't changed.

Of course I'm trying to visualize something that is feelings-based and very fluid, so I don't know if this makes any sense at all.

If it is a script, then you act it for awhile...do what you "should" do in order to feel better (take a class, exercise more, spend time with friends etc) and see if it starts to work. If it doesn't start to feel like "flow", at least you are doing things that are interesting and good for you. From my understanding, flow is something that happens only occasionally, when you are really lost in a moment or project.

I've got a low grade depression going on (self diagnosed :) and I know what you are talking about...nothing really is wrong, but nothing is making me feel good for very long either...I think a lot of it has to do with not having a partner, having my kids grown and gone, not having the role of "wife" and "partner" any more.

I'm kind of in the "fake it until you make it" zone right now...but at least I'm moving in the right direction...

Changing the way you think DOES change the way you feel, gradually, over time. And not just on a conscious level. It makes lasting changes. It's the basis of cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is quite effective.