SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't trigger much lately, mostly because I stay home if not at my kids school or sporting activities, or I'm constantly in a pissy mood with wh lately. So damn when one hits out in public I'm thrown for a loop, the tightening of the chest, feeling like I'm going to be sick, constantly looking around for ow, every women her nationality taking my breath worrying if it's her,Thank God it's not! But damn this sucks. And this trigger is not technically A related, it's all because about a year ago I saw ow at this Costco, and here we are again, I haven't been back here with my wh and kids since then and I won't be doing it again!!! This sucks!!!!!

About three years ago (at 6 years out), we were planning a move to a new city. WH company put us up in a hotel about six blocks from the new building he would be working in.

One evening we decided to go and take a look at the building, it was under construction, but almost complete.

We were about one block from his new office when I saw another building under construction...the same brand hotel OW met my WH at.

My knees buckled, I don't know how I made it back to the hotel, my legs felt heavy, I think I almost collapsed right there.

So, yeah, triggers in public suck. I've had plenty of them. This one just stands out as it was totally unexptected.

Yup...I still cry in the car while driving...it can be just a stupid General love song...or seeing a woman in public that looked like OW...seeing the hotel chain they stayed in is beyond painful...it seems everything makes my heart break...seeing my daughters baby foot prints in a frame the day she was born sent me over the edge the other day...it doesn't even have to be in public...but if it is in public I try my best to hide to emotion then sob at home

I had by far my worst trigger last august, just a month passed DDay. A bit of background: the FOW skank is a huge Phillies fan and during the A FWH immersed himself in baseball, favoring the Phillies. They are the hometown team for us but he had never shown much interest in baseball. He's more a football guy. So I thought it a little odd last spring when he suddenly had a huge desire to begin following baseball. He even took our son to a meet and greet before a game with the team and was looking into little league for him. I was put off about it at first because it felt "off" however, I thought it would good for my son. Now I know better

Anyway, as I walked into a doctor appt with FWH, a new doctor, I found myself surrounded in Phillies paraphernalia. On ALL of the walls, the desks, the freaking CEILING...on the doors, the office was plastered with it. It was un-effing-real. I just stood there, stunned. I remember turning in circles quite a few times (I'm sure I looked like a nut job) looking for a safe spot to look at. There was absolutely no surface that did not have the red & white logo. Even the side tables on each chair had a small Phillies lamp. It took me about two minutes of silent panic before the tears spilled and I bolted from the office. I ran into the hallway and hid behind a pillar. My FWH and a nurse came out a few minutes later. I don't know what he told her, I never asked but she was so nice about it and said she got me an appt with another office for the next day and prompted me to go. Fortunately the new office was ok- no diehard Phillies fans there.

I generally try to stuff my emotions down but there are things or certain actions that can happen that send me into a tail spin.

The other day I had to drive by with a work colleague a hotel that my wife met with AP.

I seriously had to bite my lip. It's a good thing I had sun glasses on because I could feel the tears welling up.

I hope our wayward spouses see and understand what the betrayed have to go with just to stay with their cheating asses. I hope they understand that reconciliation is the biggest gift they will ever receive and not to fuck it up.