SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Couple things --

* Finally got my STD panel done last week. It's negative.

* Told this news to a mutual friend (let's call the friend C) and found out that XWW had cheated on me before with a guy (let's call the guy D) that she was pushing me very hard for permission to have sex with about a year before the incident that immediately led to the divorce. I was like 95% sure that something had happened (i mean, why else would her doctor order an STD test at the time? and why would she ask for permission if she's willing to just go cheat later unless she's trying to get retroactive permission?).

She also KNEW this guy D had herpes, by the way.

At least I'm already NC so I can just keep being NC.

So while this isn't necessarily like a huge d-day inside a relationship, it is upsetting me to learn that I was right, but at the same time it helps me with NC and it confirms my new view of her, that she's a very fake person and that I have no way of knowing the full extent of what she might have done.

I am angry.

[This message edited by ProbableIceCream at 6:22 PM, March 27th (Thursday)]

I hear you. Post D I found out my ex started cheating 14 years before I figured it out. Thus the reason I get tested.

BTW - I never talk to her and I have full custody of DD.

Good to hear you are clear.

Oh god the mutual friends crawling out of the woodwork with new information that they should have told you about years ago!!! I hope you put some distance between yourself this so-called friend C too.

C is kind of crazy. She's not really a regular friend, just someone who popped up recently. But yeah, I wouldn't say she's a good friend if she kept that from me, even if she was afraid it would hurt me or whatever her reason was.

I feel calmer now.. wow, it's nice to be vindicated. I knew XWW was into some stuff, I just didn't know exactly what (and I still don't know, really).

I remember getting the negative results back and how much of a relief it was. My ex also had cheated before she ran off with her new dad. I didn't find out about it until later and I suspect there's a lot more I don't know about.

Anyways, congrats on your great results.

Today I just feel stunned/shocked.

This is one of the things that bedevils me ... after all this time you'd think I'd quit learning new stuff about xWH's perfidy. But no. Sometimes it's people that mention things. Sometimes it's I have a memory and I realize "oh that's what that meant".

It's hurtful still. Anger making still. And shocking still (so much that I didn't see!!!!). And I just ... wish I had seen it at the time. I would have save years. Years!

About the only good that comes of these relevations/reconsiderings? It makes it all that much clearer what shitty people they were and how little it had to do with us. In fact, our only role was as a patsy/dupe. That's pretty much all I contributed to my M at any rate.

((((PIC)))) First things first - I'm so glad your results came back negative.

I'm so sorry for the additional revelations, hon. Even with the distance you've put between you, it still packs a punch, because it's yet another layer of deception. Be gentle with yourself.

My EMDR therapist suggested doing this as the next target today, and we started on it. I feel somewhat better. I didn't know you could do something that happened yesterday as a target!

perfidy

Perfect word!