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stbxwh contacted me today saying he intends to keep the house. This is no surprise...I'm not sure how he is going to swing this- either a loan from his parents or OW is moving in.

This burns me...I built that house with him.

ANYWAYYYY- I have to move on.

However, I get a text from him saying he is going to get someone to appraise the house and will I pay 1/2?

I texted back that I had a realtor coming to appraise the house for free tomorrow (I would like to know his opinion on some of the work that needs to be done on the house.) I said I would keep him posted.

As soon as I said I had someone coming- he wanted to know who and when and that he wanted to be there?

WTF? Why? I haven't said anything back to him yet. What should I say? Nothing? Have I said too much?

Do you plan to ask him to pay 1/2 or the work that needs done? If so then let him be there. If not, then crickets.

Appraisals for divorce purposes are different from a realtor's appraisal, in my jurisdiction anyway.

In any case , you'll both need to either agree on who the appraiser will be or have separate appraisals done.

An appraisal, for divorce purposes, is more complicated than getting a realtor to tell you what work needs to be done, or what an appraiser that your stbxh picks thinks the property is worth.

An in depth inspection by a certified inspector would be a good start, then getting bids on the work needed, followed by a market study of similar properties sold.

So, no, I wouldn't split this appraisal cost with stbxh.

Get thee to a lawyer, immediately, and execute your seperation, appraisals, etc. as advised.

It is crucial that you conduct your seperation in your best interest as it will affect your divorce settlement, thus your future, for a long time to come.

Yes I know we will have to get a more in depth appraisal done...but I just wanted a starting place and contacted a realtor just to get a ballpark.

Does he have to be there for that?

Ok here is something I don't get. We need to do work on our home. Not a lot- finish painting, refinish hardwood, our partially unfinished basement is the biggie.

If he keeps the house and we get it assessed should I take a lower assessment and he pays for work (which he will likely do himself if he lives there) or should we pay for the work to be done and then have it assessed and I get that evaluation?

This boggles my mind. :(

Keep it business like. You both agree on an appraiser and split costs. I know free is nice but the couple extra bucks for a legally prudent appraisal may save you later.

These are questions for a lawyer. All of these conversations about kids, lawyer, whatever, these are things to discuss with a lawyer. I am not understanding why you continue to open yourself up to conversations with your STBX in which you are put in a position to jeopardize your position.

It is your lawyers, his & yours, who should negotiate the issue of who does the appraisal, who pays, all of that. Also, they will negotiate the timing.

You must stop letting your STBX determine everything about this divorce. Please!

What Nature-Girl said x 10!

Getting an inaccurate/wrong "starting place" may cost you plenty. That includes your communications with your stbxh.

[This message edited by alphakitte at 10:16 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]

If he is buying you out, why do you have to pay for half the repairs?? You get it appraised for what it would sell at, as is. After you minus off what is left on the mortgage, he owes you half of the equity.

Am I missing something?

Agree with N_G...a lawyer should be handling issues like this.

While your free appraisal will give you a WIDE ballpark figure, realtor appraisals in the US are somewhat meaningless. Canadian law may be different than US, so your lawyer will know what type of appraisal the court will accept as the true value of the house.

Realtor appraisals are useless ish in canada.

And he MAY be buying me out- although I can't figure out how he will afford it..

So yes- if he buys me out assess as is blah blah...but is there ever an instance where if we did the work, the assessed value goes up beyond the costs to fix it? I want the most equity I can get outta here.

We had an appraisal of our home the year before we put it on the market. We then spent $10,000 to re-stucco exterior. It made only a $3,000 difference in the appraisal obtained by the buyers when we sold it.

Painting, refinishing hardwood are not going to make a difference in the value of your home. It would make it more desirable to buyers, but you aren't selling. Refinishing the basement MAY add some value depending on how extensive the remodel is, but you rarely get back MORE than you put into it.

Do you really want to live through that? Having him there working on the improvements? Helping to fix a house that he's moving into. Think about it.....

If he wants to buy you out of the house, that is great. Do not offer to pay for work. Tell your L you want an appraisal done on the house because you are willing to be bought out of the house. Let the Ls handle the rest. Do not talk to or arrange anything with him.

but is there ever an instance where if we did the work, the assessed value goes up beyond the costs to fix it?

No, not likely.

I was a real estate appraiser in my former life. Realtors can do broker opinion of value, based on sale prices and asking prices. A residential appraisal is an opinion of market value, usually based on sale prices of similar properties which are in close proximity and have sold in last six months. Also appraisals have to be written for a specific purpose and identify the intended users of the appraisal. The date of value is important too especially in legal matters. Let your lawyer order the appraisal.

If you pay for one just to determine value, you will have to pay for an updated appraisal for any legal proceedings. It's a waste of time at this point. A broker opinion is a better starting point.

You need a lawyer who will get a realtor who will do in depth appraisals yes plural

One on date of marriage and one on separation, they should come in a write up all capital improvements and then do a write up for the court ....any other method is just a drive by or some cheaper alternative that doesn't get deep into the value of the home