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chefwifie (original poster new member #43187) posted at 1:53 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
I pretty much found out a week ago today exactly what had been going on between my WH and the OW (my ex-best friend). I had always had my suspicions, but never acted on them (or was lied about it when I asked directly).
Anyway, my birthday is this week and I want to do something by myself. I usually do everything with my WH. Over the past year, it usually included the other couple. But this year I want to do something independently of everyone else so I can have time to myself.
I tried running through ideas. The only thing I could figure out is go early to a local friendly bar that has some very nice outdoor seating and read a book. And I figured I would do that. I would have a beer or two and read an hour. I couldn't stay long or drink much (not that I really want to drink anyway) because I have work the next day.
This morning I woke up to thinking that might be a bad idea. Drinking isn't really want I want to be doing right now (even if it's just one or two). And I don't exactly want to talk to people. I just wanted to be left alone to read in a friendly, happyish place. Then I felt selfish as I was ignoring that I could do something with my son.
Any ideas? I asked my son about golfing. But the golfing range we would go to will probably have a super long wait after work. I usually would spend those evenings at those friends house and that's where our problem of opportunity started. Now I don't know what do to on my own as I haven't done anything on my own in a LONG time. I just want the entire evening out of the house until it's time for me to go to bed. If it includes my son, great! If it's ideas just for me, then great as well. I do need time on my own. I'd go out with different friends, but I really don't have any other people that I am friendly enough to want to go out with. I'm an odd ball enough as it is (-- as is my WH, which is why we had gotten a long so well as a couple.)
me: 34, mad hatter. EA in 2005. I broke it off.
wh: 39, EA + PA
DD 1 - Feb 1, 13, EA that was progressing to PA.
DD 2 - Apr 17, 14, PA, double betrayal
incredible, sensitive, smart, and beautiful boy: 11
suspicious247 ( member #33014) posted at 2:01 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
do you have a dog? you could go for a walk
or a hike somewhere in a park. Nature has a way of centering me.
Or a girls night withut that bitch------Or go out with a chef? ;) hahah
Or you could treat yourself to something on your bucketlist....
Somebody ,I think it was Circe, gave me some great advice - make this ananniversary and new memories.
Happy Birthday!
I've spent many alone and it's not so bad. The next day it stops mattering.
[This message edited by suspicious247 at 8:05 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 2:04 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Maybe get a hotel room for the night and take your son. Order in room service. I bet he would think it was really fun, and you will have a new memory to replace the old ones.
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 4:16 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
You could go to a coffe shop and read, or a book store.
Or take your son to the Zoo? Or to a dinner/movie date with mom?
918Mama ( member #37756) posted at 6:21 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Our book stores have coffee shops in them. And a plethora if people reading.
And no one talks to them. It's fabulous!! One of my favorite things to do!
There's always the mani/pedi/massage option. Bring a book for the mani/pedi part and they will leave you alone.
Figure out what would make YOU happy...then do that. :-)
And happy birthday!
Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti
LovelyDaffodils ( member #42822) posted at 9:27 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Treat yourself (and son too?) to dinner at the best restaurant you can get to. Let the server know it's your birthday and you want the chef to surprise you with something really special. And enjoy every last mouthful. Can you tell I love food? 
A good chef loves a chance to be imaginative and be appreciated for it.
My birthday (the big one 
) is next month and I am thinking I want to do something by myself without WH too. Yeah, sounds like a plan....
BS me 51
WS 44
OW easy NSA he told he was single
9 mo A
DDay 1/3/14
TT 2 wks later
still waiting for the rest
Married 13 yrs
Together 22
In house S Limbo
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:27 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
OK. My advice is to expunge 'should' from your thoughts. Get rid of it. Dump it.
What do you want to do?
I read you want to read, be alone, and perhaps be with your son. You can't be alone and with your son at the same time. Maybe you really want some time with him and some time alone.
In any case, figure it out, and do what you want.
I suggest the library as another place to read without interruption.
I also suggest expanding your horizon at least as far as massage. Being betrayed has a physical impact, and massage can help resolve that impact.
I guess I'm saying, 'Do what you want, and make yourself want a massage.' 
The first clause is the one that counts....
Happy birthday!
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
JanetS ( member #2766) posted at 11:13 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
I'm with the massage, or mani/pedi, or all of this.
I also like the hotel room with room service. Pay for a movie you've wanted to watch.
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