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myowndystopia (original poster member #41340) posted at 4:13 AM on Monday, April 28th, 2014
Mediation is in 10 days. I meet with my lawyer on Tuesday. I'm looking for good, sound advice. How do you decide what you will be willing to let go to get a settlement? I doubt STBXWH will give on anything so I'm sure it will be me. Where do you draw the line on standing your ground and giving in to move on?
I think our biggest issues will be alimony and parenting plan. Most assets have been settled but I plan to be prepared for surprises!!!
He could probably careless about settling. He has it made! He resides in our master bedroom, comes and goes as he pleases with no responsibilities here at home, has a girlfriend and doesn't hide that fact, even takes kids over to her house---no child support or alimony, no parenting schedule---really why should he settle?
Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)
"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele
Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 4:42 AM on Monday, April 28th, 2014
Make a list of things that you feel are very important to you and also create a list of things that are not very important to you. And if you know, then also make a list of things that are important to stbx.
For the things that are important to you, rank them. Also tried to get as detailed as possible about what about those things is most important. That will help you say "No, what your propose is not acceptable".
For the things that are not very important to you, see if there is an overlap of things that you think are important to stbx. What does HE want most. During the negotiations, you can take a stand that you must have that one thing he wants, and then trade that for something that you want.
IN summary, go into this knowing what you MUST have, what you want, and what you don;t really care about. And then fight for what you MUST have.
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
myowndystopia (original poster member #41340) posted at 1:15 PM on Monday, April 28th, 2014
Thanks dreamboat. I think that is what I'm trying to do- maybe that and also pull my emotions out of the scenario! I'm hoping that's why I pay my lawyer- to help me look at things from the business side!!!
Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)
"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele
freeatlast72 ( member #42758) posted at 1:50 PM on Monday, April 28th, 2014
Be prepared for the alimony part....that was the hardest part for me. We went back and forth on that number and finally met somewhere in the middle b/c the state of North Carolina does not have a formula for this. He did not fight me on the parenting plan, so I was happy about that.
Good luck! Be prepared for a long day!
BS:42(me)
Kids: DD7
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
DIVORCED!!!
You can't rationalize irrational behavior.
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