SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It’s been over half a year since I became a single parent and I can’t help but reflect on some of the life lessons I’ve learned thus far. I’m sure there will be lots more ahead on the road, but for now I wanted to share these and listen to what others have learned:

1) Don’t waste one single minute with your children! Like my wife, before dday, I was also taking my kids for granted. I just always assumed they would be there when I wanted to engage and quiet when I didn’t. After dday I realized how fragile and precious time with my children is. All of sudden they aren’t available to me all the time, meaning I maximize every single second I am with them. Not a minute has gone by during the last 6 months that I was not talking to them, reading to them, eating with them, playing with them, etc. I feel like a dad with a terminal illness and I can’t waste any more time.

2) Get your sleep! I was a night owl before dday, sleeping odd hours, couldn’t get up in the morning and letting all the work fall to my wife. Not possible any longer and since dday I have been in bed early at night and up at 630am. I heard a famous athlete talk about the critical nature of sleep and while parenting is not a professional sport, raising my three boys alone makes me think about that a lot! If I sleep I can do anything: I’m patience with them, I get ahead of their schoolwork, I plan fun activities, I read to them etc. If I don’t sleep, the whole equation doesn’t work.

3) Cook and then overcook! I had to learn how to cook which has become a great pleasure in my life but the key lesson for me is to overcook. Since I’m only with them half the time, I have to sort out what to do with myself for the other half the time. The solution? Leftovers! I overcook at all meals I make for them and stock up for when I am alone. This has proven a great solution for me eating healthier, staying out of restaurants and saving on the budget.

Other single parents, what are the best lessons you’ve learned on the journey?

It's ok not to get it right all the time!

You don't have to be perfect. Maybe they watch too much TV sometimes, spend a bit too long on the tablet, maybe you shouted too much one particularly stressful morning. It's ok.

Everyone has bad days, don't give yourself a hard time for being VERY, VERY relieved when it's finally bedtime.

It sounds like you are doing great!!! I have to say we go out to eat a lot more often now.

The struggle for me has been with punishment. I don't have stbx around for backup and I have to be the mean mom too much about homework and curfew.

I have a bit of the opposite with the time since my DD is 16. When she goes to her dad's for the weekend, I get to enjoy a little "me" time. Sometimes it is a little lonely but I try to stay positive and do new enjoyable activities or see friends.

Prayingforhope, I just wanted to say how very inspired I am by your attitude. This is a fantastic post for all parents to learn from.

Proud of you.

Remember that you and your kids are a family. A whole family. There's nothing "broken" about a single-parent family.

Learn to not only accept help, but ASK for it. This is a work in progress for me.

Teach your kids what it takes to run a house and a family, and set the expectation that they will contribute, whether through chores, clean up, shopping, cooking, yard work, etc. Involve them in age-appropriate ways. And make it fun - crank the tunes, laugh, be silly, and pull together to get it done.