SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well,

I decided to file several weeks ago, after waiting three years of R in my wife's infidelity. For various rerasons, I havent gotten it done yet.

But, I found out tonight that she has beat me to the punch, and has supposedly filed first.

I found out when I saw a $7,500 retainer on my credit card. Not hers, but mine.

I expect to call my lawyer first thing in the morning and see what options I have.

Does anyone know what advantage she has filing first? Does it really matter?

I'm in Texas, so she will probably file on irreconcilable differences.

I wanted to file on adultery.

Man, it pisses me off that I drug my feet too long.

Hope it doesnt hurt me in the long run.

Opinions?

Probably doesn't matter *who* files first.

Talk to your lawyer about the possibility of answering her claim with a counter-claim of adultery. If you can do that, her filing first may actually work in your favor.......perhaps you'll seem less vindictive. You *weren't* going to file adultery against her, but since she 'forced' your hand....well, what's a guy to do? *shrug*, kwim?

You are very lucky if you live in a state that still allows for *fault* divorces......not to mention that I've heard that Texas is pretty draconian when it comes to any type of spousal support. Just sayin'.

But hold the phone......putting a L on retainer is not the same as filing. Her filing may be imminent, but it doesn't mean that it's happened at this moment in time. You say that she put the retainer on *your* card and not hers. There's the possibility that she's mind-fucking you. You can use google to find your state's court shit online. Find the site and type in your name or her name and you'll find out whether she's filed or not. But for now, keep quiet about it where she's concerned because she *may* just be playing mind games with you....

eta: I wouldn't even bother to call your L until you are SURE that she has filed......

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 11:42 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday)]

If the card is in your name only call the CC company and dispute the charge. It freezes the payment until the dispute is resolved. Then you need to use that time to plan accordingly.

ETA: Close any and all joint financial accounts, Because you can bet your ass that her lawyer told her to do the same. Ergo his/her fee charge on your CC.

[This message edited by stronger08 at 5:13 AM, June 4th (Wednesday)]

To update,

I had a pretty shitty weekend, just thinking about all of this.

To summarize what it said....

Firstly, The grounds my wife listed are "conflict of personalities".

Petitioner (WW) should be awarded a disproportionate share in the parties estate. Then it goes on to list 27 reasons, none of which apply to my situation.

Asking for Post Divorce maintenance. Funny, I thought she was the one who walked out of this marriage emotionally.

Requests temporary orders of injunction against communicating with WW, Threatening WW, Telephone calls, causing bodily injury, threatening my children, from using or entering our personal vehicle, and 33 other BS things. None of which have every happened or can be referenced as happening.

She wants possession of the house and cars, and me barred from them, but I am required to pay monthly payments for them, and all utilities and up keep.

There's other crap in there, but it doesn't matter as far as I am concerned. I scanned it, and sent it to my attorney.

She called me back, and advised me not to sign or acknowledge anything. She will contact the attorney ASAP. She also said that my WW's attorney is known for being very aggressive AND expensive.

Meanwhile, my Attorney is filing an amended petition of adultery.

As an FYI, I think my wife was just as shocked as I was to see all the BS in the petition. She has a call in to her Lawyer to see what the hell happened.

Fire

Fire, surely she read it when she signed it? I think it's more likely she's trying to fob you off and is terrified of you counter filing for adultery in your fault state, so has been aggressive & untruthful to try and mitigate your case

[This message edited by Softcentre at 3:29 PM, June 9th, 2014 (Monday)]

Fire, sorry that you're here.

Firstly, The grounds my wife listed are "conflict of personalities".

There are some generic phrases such as these in various versions of the petition paperwork, but Texas is a no-fault state. As such, her infidelity is irrelevant to the Texas civil court system.

I've heard stories about how these things sometimes make a difference to a presiding judge in the custody of children (along the "unfit parent" line of argument), but rarely if ever in the division of assets. Still, be sure to share everything with your attorney...a good one can often leverage these facts in your favor in negotiations, or otherwise; your STBX may not understand, or be well-informed of the no-fault provision.

Peace and strength to you.

My understanding (and I'm not a lawyer) is that while Texas has no-fault divorces, there are also six grounds for divorce which assign fault to one of the spouses. I listed adultery in my petition, and STBX's counter came back without it. Either way, everything listed on her petition sounds like some BS.

[This message edited by BAMAC at 4:00 PM, June 9th (Monday)]

BAMAC,

Texas does allow Adultery as a claim in divorce.

My WW claims she spoke to her Attorney today, and asked why all those pleadings were included.

Her Attorney said it was her standard "boilerplate" filing, based on things she has experienced in the past on divorce cases.

I told my wife the gloves are off, and since she cant control her high priced Attorney, I'll let my Council fight it out with hers.

By the way, we are still in the same house together, trying to co-exist peacefully until we have to part ways. Its working, for the most part.

Fire