I'm struggling. I don't know how to let go of him and I'm not even sure why. We haven't had a good marriage in years, he wants nothing to do with me or our teenage kids and hasn't for a long time. I supported him for the last 18 years while he spent most of his time with his pot smoking friends. After DD#1 about 15 years ago, he became abusive when I demanded it stop. Finally it did, but the marriage never truly recovered. I've wanted out for a while and earlier this year, he suddenly wanted out too. Then I realized DD#2 was why. It's like once I realized it, I forgot all the reasons I wanted out. I'm not sure why. He swore they were only friends, actually "best friends" who spent hours alone together, texting and calling daily. She doesn't work either, has had 2 live in boyfriends so far this year, didn't raise her kids, and can't apply for a job until she's "been clean" for enough days to pass a drug test. But she's younger than me, thinner and more attractive and apparently a lot more fun than me.
We were going to try R, but he refused to cut all ties with her saying I was crazy because they are only friends. A week ago, he moved in with her saying I forced him out and he has no where else to go. Something happened with them and he stayed only one night. He begged to come home and I wouldn't let him because the only reason he wanted to come back was because she ditched him. Had his plan worked, he would have forgotten me already. For three days he pleaded, saying he loved me and made a mistake. Sure enough, this week we accepted an offer on our house and guess who's back? And the pleading has stopped and turned to hostility. i.e. Monday he said he loved me so much he would die for me, Tuesday she's back and Friday he called me a dumb c@nt.
For reasons I do not understand, I feel heartbroken. I think of him having fun with her and how he treated me like nothing all these years. Yesterday was the first day I've had no contact with him. I made the mistake of looking at their facebook and yesterday they took her dog to a creek to play complete with pictures and a cute little "inside joke" post on her wall. Our 26th anniversary was last week on the day we accepted the offer on the house we've lived in for 23 years. It was a terrible emotional day and I really wanted to talk to him. He told me to call, but then refused to answer. She literally lives next to my workplace and of course, that's where he spent our anniversary. I can't seem to let go. I wonder all the time if he is there. I picture him talking and laughing and touching her, when he has wanted nothing to do with me for so long. I just want to forget about him, but I can't. When I'm at work, because of their proximity, it is very difficult for me not look to see if his car is there. He left me for her, why can't I seem to get it into my head that he does not want me or our kids?! Please tell me how you got through this. How did you let go? I can't seem to turn off the fact the he is no longer my husband (well technically he is until the divorce is final). It is making me crazy and miserable. He has been so bad to me and I should be glad he did me a favor. But it is the ultimate rejection and I can't get past the hurt. We haven't been happy for a long time. But it feels unfair that he is so happy with her and I feel like I will never be. I am miserable and he is having fun with her. I feel stupid.
