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Mac4 (original poster member #43122) posted at 9:12 PM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014
For those of you in MC and IC, should these be different people?
Working on R in MC and I'm feeling like I'm not really making progress on a lot of fronts dealing with things so I was going to do some IC. Thus, I was curious what others do. Should I find a seperate counselor to see independently, or just schedule time independently with our MC. I can see pros and cons of both.
Appreciate your input
BS me 41
WW 42
Married 11 years
R for now I guess
DD 9 & DS 8
DDay 2 (PA) - March 3rd, 2014
DDay 1 (EA) - July 2nd, 2011
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 10:14 PM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014
We used the same IC, but our MC was different. I think the traditional school of thought is they should all be different, but this worked for us - and probably because our IC was really good, no bullshit kind of therapist.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 2:44 AM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
We each had our own IC no MC
we are both in check in mode now....
I think we need to check in...it's been a few months
me-BS him-WS
" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:29 AM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
It takes a very highly skilled C to serve multiple roles for a couple and the individual partners.
To be effective as an MC the person has to be viewed as being on both partners' sides - the client is the M. To be effective as an IC the C is on the individual's side.
The potential for conflicts of interest are innumerable, and a conflict can really screw up an M and/or a person.
If you have any question about the effectiveness of a C, it's better to use that C in only one role.
JMO, of course.
We use the same person as MC and IC for each of us, though.... 
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
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