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Please share you experience--what it felt like leading up to anniversary of first D-day. I'm struggling--crying a lot, obsessing, nightmares, not feeling well physically (thinking sinus infection), wanting to avoid social gatherings, not talking to any friends, nauseous, tired, angry, miserably sad, impatient...

Hi Lucy so sorry that you are going through this, hold on for the ride it's all normal, I have just passed this stage and for me it was like I had just come out of the denial and fog stage and realised that , yes he actually has done this to me. I am now seeing things with more clarity although it seems top hurt all over again and I am questioning my reasons for staying in the marriage.

I too have spent this last year with so many debilitating ailments, vestibular migraine being one, dizziness is a big problem for me but I believe this can be a symptom of anxiety too.

This is a process and we just have to go through it. Hugs to you

I hurt. I obsessed. I checked up more often. I cried. I felt anxious. The 2 weeks or so leading up to it were pretty miserable. However, we left for a weekend alone on the day. Surprisingly, the actual day wasn't nearly as hard as I had expected or feared. But the lead up was miserable. Hugs to you!

My "anniversary" is Christmas eve, you can imagine the anxiety and workup that build every year to that night. Because that was the night I died in every sense except the physical, oddly said. 16 years later, I still get waves of pain from that event. But I know too, as deeply, that my life was bigger than that horror and that life is good, that I love, can trust, work, help others, enjoy the things I enjoy. I died, I wanted so badly to die and yet I lived and after the hard time, have enjoyed almost every minute after. You see, I trusted her absolutely- and that was wrong.So life educated me. And I moved on.

Lucy,

My one year anniversary was just a couple of months ago in May. I too had dreaded the coming of this day for a while. But at some point a month or so before the anniversary, I became so tired of all the constant negative A related thoughts and feelings. Like all WS's, I had been through hell for several months. I grew tired of letting this ruin and dominate my life and the worst part was not having control over my mind. Finally I decided that I wasn't going to allow this mindset to continue and drew a line in the sand. I had suffered enough agony and it had truly ruined nearly a full year of my life. A year that I could never get back and one that should have been one of the best of my life.

When the thoughts came, and they came often, I learned how to "change the channel" in my head. It wasn't easy at first but with much effort I was eventually able to usually think about something else, something good and positive. It doesn't always work but it does more often than not and it has been a real blessing and relief.

Another thing that helped me on the anniversary of D-day was planning to make myself extra-busy that day. I planned several things to do which took up the entire day and it really helped. Plus I took the mindset beforehand that I wasn't going to allow that day to be a bad day. I stayed so busy that I didn't have time to think about it and it really worked.

I know everyone's situation is different. Thankfully, my FWW is a model wayward if there is such a thing. I still have times when the thoughts come but I simply do not allow them to control my life any longer.