Hey there. I'm glad that you found us for support. I'm NOT glad that you had the reason to come find us, but I am glad that you DID find us, so we can help support you.
I'm going to be really blunt here. I apologize, because you probably are hoping that it’s not really all that bad and that with a minor tweak here and there, the two of you will be in perfect harmony for the next 50 plus years. God knows that that’s what I was hoping too, and I consider that my FWH and I now have a pretty good marriage … “after.”
He told you up front, that he was a cheat. Yeah, he said that he handled all of those issues and that it wasn’t going to be a problem, but with the clear view of hindsight, he told you up front that he was a cheater.
When you were first married, during the time that you should have been in the honeymoon phase and crazy, over-the-moon in love, and not looking at anyone or anything else, he was cheating on you with an on-line site. And yes, it was cheating. He was giving his emotional time and energy to another woman. That’s called an emotional affair. No matter if its with one woman over a period of time, or if it’s with 10 different internet women in 10 days. It’s still affairs of the emotions taking away from you and betrayal of your wedding vows.
Your relationship all along has been rocky, been punctuated by periods of his inability to control his anger, and his acting out at you. While you’ve suffered through many miscarriages, he’s been using you as his emotional punching bag all along. He has destroyed or damaged belongings and has handled you with, if not explicit violence, then with intimidation and in a threatening way.
Now, his job is in danger because of his on-line activities. His on-line betrayal of your wedding vows. And all he can say to you is to quit nagging him. To be his comfort. To put aside your self-respect, your justifiable feelings of betrayal, and your common sense, and to be exactly what he needs you to be …. or what? He’ll punch through another wall? Or you.
IMO, you have married an abuser. An abusive man who will at some point, hit you, hurt your unborn child, and who probably has physically betrayed you already. I urge you, on Monday, to call you OB/GYN and make an appointment to have a full STD/HIV panel of tests run, because your health, and the health of your unborn child depends upon it. I would also urge you to make your second call to a good lawyer (or multiple), and make appointments to seek counseling to learn what your rights are in case of divorce. You need not act upon their council, but you need to know, for your sake, and for the sake of your child, what your rights are. And I would also urge you to call either a domestic abuse line in your area, or to call the national domestic abuse hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and speak to someone there. I am very afraid that you are being led down a slope that is going to end in violence. Unfortunately, I speak from previous knowledge.
Don’t stop posting. We are all here to support you. Come back often for support. (((hugs)))