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threeofus (original poster member #9242) posted at 7:14 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014
I joined SI when I was married and found out I was cheated on. SI was a great resource. I have since divorced and began dating again. I am back here now because I found out the person I was dating cheated on me. Is SI only for married folks?
D-Day: 08-10-05
Married: 19 Years
Together : 20 Years
Kids: 24 Year Old Daughter
me: BS, 44
him: fWS, 42
D May 2010
Dated SO 3 Years
D Day 07 05 14
Boiled down to being with someone I could not trust or being alone twice.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:18 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014
SI is for anyone dealing with betrayal, married or not.
So sorry you have reason to be back, but we are here for you, honey. ((((hugs))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 7:18 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014
What NIK said.
We are here to help and very sorry that you're dealing with this crap again.
(((threeofus)))
gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 7:19 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014
SI is for anyone who has had to deal with the pain of infidelity - whether having been betrayed or have betrayed another, have stopped and are looking for healing.
Sorry you had to come back and I hope you can find support and healing here again.
[This message edited by gahurts at 1:20 PM, July 11th (Friday)]
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
threeofus (original poster member #9242) posted at 7:41 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014
Thanks everyone for responding. I really appreciate this. I am glad that SI is here! SI helped me heal before. I am sure SI will help me heal again!!!
Since I have divorced in May of 2010, I dated three people that I got close. (I was over my ex husband and happy to be divorced.) The first person was a childhood friend. We dated for about 3 months. I ended it because he suddenly became distant. I was hurt, but moved on pretty fast. Found out months later that he cheated. I was not bothered too much.
Decided to to try again and began dating someone in May of 2011. Dated that same person for three years and found out that he was cheating just last weekend. Feel like I am re-living my past. I worked so hard to build a healthy relationship. I worked on myself too. I went to counseling and got in touch with myself and grew by leaps and bounds. Now, I am at ground zero again. 
[This message edited by threeofus at 1:56 PM, July 11th (Friday)]
D-Day: 08-10-05
Married: 19 Years
Together : 20 Years
Kids: 24 Year Old Daughter
me: BS, 44
him: fWS, 42
D May 2010
Dated SO 3 Years
D Day 07 05 14
Boiled down to being with someone I could not trust or being alone twice.
seethelight ( member #43513) posted at 8:34 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014
Threeofus:
Sorry to hear about your latest relationship.
The good news is that it's better that you learned he had those inclinations before you two married.
“If two people truly have feelings for one another then they don’t have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit
threeofus (original poster member #9242) posted at 8:45 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014
@ Seethelight Thanks -- The good thing is I am no longer in the dark! It is better to know the truth........
[This message edited by threeofus at 2:46 PM, July 11th (Friday)]
D-Day: 08-10-05
Married: 19 Years
Together : 20 Years
Kids: 24 Year Old Daughter
me: BS, 44
him: fWS, 42
D May 2010
Dated SO 3 Years
D Day 07 05 14
Boiled down to being with someone I could not trust or being alone twice.
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 1:31 AM on Saturday, July 12th, 2014
Thereof us,
I found SI after my XSO cheated. We were together 8 years. I met him after my XH cheated and divorced (2003). I didn't find SI then.
Stick around. 😊.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 1:37 AM on Saturday, July 12th, 2014
threeofus,
I am so sorry you are back. I am asking this from a position of having 5 different SO's cheat on me, so I'm not judging. Please understand, you bear NO responsibility for their decision to cheat, but why are you picking SO's with a propensity to cheat?
Strength
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 2:25 AM on Saturday, July 12th, 2014
(((threeofus)))
I'm so sorry you are going through this pain again. Vent, lean on us, and know we are here for you. Sending you strength.
Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 6:51 AM on Saturday, July 12th, 2014
I'm sorry it happened again. Just a reminder to myself that even when I D, I will still be susceptible to infidelity if to have a R. Gosh that just sucks. Makes me want to be a single crazy dog lady. (Prefer dogs over cats)
BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????
threeofus (original poster member #9242) posted at 1:30 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014
Again, thanks everyone for all of the support. I really appreciate it.
@5454Real - Good question and definitely something to think about.
For those who have been betrayed by different people have any ideas why it happened????
D-Day: 08-10-05
Married: 19 Years
Together : 20 Years
Kids: 24 Year Old Daughter
me: BS, 44
him: fWS, 42
D May 2010
Dated SO 3 Years
D Day 07 05 14
Boiled down to being with someone I could not trust or being alone twice.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 2:59 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014
For those who have been betrayed by different people have any ideas why it happened????
Your *picker's* broken?
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 3:52 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014
^^^^^ I agree with Gonna. My picker is broken. After XH (2003) it was fixed but with glue and rubberbands. After XSO I want the darn thing replaced! Or at least new components installed like boundaries, listening to my gut instincts, paying attention to red flags, etc..,
I'm healing, I'm working on my internal issues. Healing them, I hope, will put me on the radar of healthier people.
Hugs,
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
threeofus (original poster member #9242) posted at 11:39 AM on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014
My radar was up high.....real high. I saw red flags, but was not certain of them. Since I had been cheated on before, I did not want to be accused of bringing old stuff in new relationship. The flags were not strong at all. So, I did not give them too much value. I second guessed my gut. My ex bf was a better cheater than the first one. They all slip.up.at some point though. Whatever is done in the dark always comes to light. I will continue to think deeply about other answers.
D-Day: 08-10-05
Married: 19 Years
Together : 20 Years
Kids: 24 Year Old Daughter
me: BS, 44
him: fWS, 42
D May 2010
Dated SO 3 Years
D Day 07 05 14
Boiled down to being with someone I could not trust or being alone twice.
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