SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone pretended they were going to take WS to have a polygraph? We can't really afford it, but I would love some confirmation of some info. I am contemplating pretending we have a poly scheduled and even driving to the place and seeing his reaction. Anyone ever do this?

I paid $550 and it was far from convenient to pay for it but it was worth 50 times that for what I got out of the results. Your mental health is worth it. IMO, don't bluff scheduling it. I would do it.

Yes I bluffed it. As the appointment got nearer she got a bit edgy but did not tell me anything.

I had a face to face with OM (my friend) and he gave me all the details.

Even when I left to see OM I told her has she anything else to tell me (she knew I was going to see him), he response ? No.

I am not sure the utility of this.

I mean, sure--people DO get parking lot confessions. But generally, they only reveal what they KNOW will be revealed by a test. They don't tend to volunteer much more.

If you don't have a remorseful WS willing to share all of the truth, then I wouldn't bluff. I'd find a way to schedule and carry out the test.

For one thing, a good polygrapher will want to meet with you, to discuss questions in advance, and so on. You can't really bluff that.

Beyond that, I'd want a WHOLE lot more discussion than was permitted by the test--the test would just be a jumping-off point. So I couldn't bluff that.

What I DID do, on more than one occasion, was bluff that I had more information than I really could confirm. I mean, I knew--either in my gut or from things I'd pieced together, but not in a way I could definitively prove. I pretended I could prove it. THAT worked. He spilled a lot more on spec that an informant had shared intel with me. (I told him I knew a lot more than he'd told me--and that I had a source who could confirm what I knew. I further told him he'd better get talking, or get packing. Even that had limited utility, though; I got more than I would have, otherwise, but he's really good at giving only what he HAS to do escape consequence.)

I had one scheduled for the fWW. 2 days after scheduling the poly and 2 weeks before the poly appointment, she came clean about the PA. There was some other reasoning behind her coming clean, but she was getting backed into a corner and was going to need to come clean about it.

For reference, the poly was going to cost $250. The polygraph would help form the questions based off of what I was trying to determine.

[This message edited by spond at 3:16 PM, July 25th (Friday)]

I understand you're struggling, and I'm sorry you're going through this hell.

The way out, however, whether you R or D, is to be honest, especially when being dishonest is easily exposed. (Yikes!)

Your H may bluff back. If you're not planning to go through with the poly, and he bluffs the runup to the schedules test, you lose.

It's much easier to be honest.

A poly is a lot cheaper than most divorces.... Just sayin'.

Bluffing is a bad idea. On the other thread you said R was going well. I don't think it is if you are contemplating bluffing a poly.

Take a step back and try again. List the things you require to R and hold him to them. Talk about how you feel. You can't expect the truth from him if you can't be truthful with him. He needs to hear about how much you are hurt. If you trigger 5 times a day he needs to hear about each one. You are way too new to this to be cutting corners.

Recovery is a difficult process, period.

Life started improving for me when I started trusting my gut more, more than the vibrations emanating from my wife's mouth. Read, learn, and improve your gut sensitivity and accuracy. I learned about psychology, moods, FOO issues, motives, people, etc. Read books, stories, internet, SI. There is so much to learn.

I concluded on my own that my wife had intercourse with the MOM. My conclusion was based on all the history, moods, responses, actions. I then worked on convincing my wife telling me the truth WAS BEST FOR HER. This cost me nothing financially, and improved my own knowledge/confidence, and reserved my opportunity of demanding an actual polygraph for later if needed.

My wife told me the full truth after 7 months. Sex with the MOM was much more than I ever assumed was possible. I believe I received more truth than had I demanded the polygraph route early.