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I am looking for reading material, for my hard-head WH.

More Than Friends, has been mentioned..but I cannot find it on Amazon.

Any help appreciated…and if there are other books you can suggest…

Anndd.

Any books or relevant materials that will help ME with

RAGE, would be appreciated as well.

I think the book your thinking of is Not Just Friends. I got it from Amazon and it's available in Ebook format.

[This message edited by hopeful325 at 6:05 AM, August 1st (Friday)]

Check out the reading lists in the Healing Library link on the left if the screen. Tons there. A quick read for the WS to start with is 'how to heal your spouse from your affair' or something to that effect.

Its too bad your H is not looking for the books himself. This would indicate he is looking for solutions.

Not Just Friends, How to Help Your Spouse Heal....I don't have any suggestions for rage but as someone mentioned, the Healing Library might help you there. You can also just Google, "Dealing with Rage" and should get a nice list from that.

Good luck Littleleaf.

It's "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. I ordered it via Amazon as an E-book and was able to download it on both mine and my FWH's tablets.

Littleleaf! How are you? How is the baby?

Definitely How to Help Your Spouse Heal After Your Affair. Short, succinct and very helpful. He can read it quickly (and over and over)

Books by Brene Brown (I think she only has 3-4 and they deal with shame) also How Can I Forgive You by Janis Springs.

You may also want to take a look at The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.

WH has been reading this article/book. I have to say that it's been helping him help me.

http://www.lindajmacdonald.com/how_to_help_11-06-10_final_pdf-.pdf

[This message edited by Furious1 at 10:08 AM, August 2nd (Saturday)]

Thank You!

Everyone..for replying.

My head is so full of mud these days…. its a wonder I remember who I am..some days I wish I didn't!

Furious1 that article you mentioned..I cannot open it…any chance you can copy and paste it to me?

And, no. Reconciliation is not going well.

It has come to a stop…WH does not "DO ANYTHING"….

I have seen others with similar situations. He does not talk, share, go to IC, look for anything to help him, help us.

Truth is, now that I am gaining some small strength, I see he is not participating at all.

Just wants us to be together, have good moments with each other. Im so 'faked-out', I'm suicidal!

Not funny, but that is where I have been for a while. Babyleaf, my ember, my love bug keeps me sane, keeps me present.

His Wide Open Wonder at the new world before him makes me smile.

I was able to find a number of books. Put them on his credit card, and delivered to his address.

He said thanks, 'you are so good at researching this stuff!"

As for the rage…it is worse when he slumps along, giving me bullshit lines of affection and protesting that he 'is still here', and that he 'can not seem to do anything right'.

Argh. Just shoot me and get it over with. Christ.

So, today is a rage day, can you tell.

Seriously tho…I am beginning to believe that he is incapable of ….

pulling his head out of his insufferable ass.

~sigh.

So, just keep on keeping on.

Tomorrow, is another day, another chance.

:)

The link she sent is a pdf of the book I suggested. How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair. You can download the kindle app and buy the kindle version on Amazon and read it right off your phone or tablet. It has helped many Waywards. Mine included. That and not just friends are the top two reccomended books from what I've seen on SI.

Thank you FixYou71

I have that book ordered..should be delivered to him

tomorrow…

Hopefully he does more with it than wipe his )*(

Littleleaf

I have my growing book list in my profile. Not all may be relevant. But they gave me a lot of AH HA moments.

Hope it helps

The other books that have been helpful with marriage issues is "Hold me tight" and "What makes love last". The healing library has some great stuff for the wayward spouse. There is one article that I printed out and read every day for a month. Hang in there.

Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud.

Healing is a Choice by Steve Arterburn.

How Can I Forgive You by Janis Spring.

Codependent No More.

All are great books.

NOTE: Start with Codependent No More....read it for YOU.

I say this gently....you can't make your husband do what he needs to do for himself. Don't lead him....its fine to support him, but let him use the set God gave him in ways God intended him to! Can he do it? Not sure....but I KNOW you can't do it for him.

Projecting here....but I bet your husband, like my wife, has a life long pattern of under investing in their relationships. Meaning they are fine to float around the surface...but will be damned to show anything but independent, "I'm all good with or without anyone" to another person. I don't condemn her....I see where my wife picked up that pattern and it was well before she and I met. It was born out of a need to protect herself from a very destructive, non-nurturing home life. It served its purpose, but limits intimacy. I have compassion for her.

BUT, having compassion for this does NOT mean taking responsibility for it....either for creating it or fixing it. Responsiblity to "own it" and "change it" is for my wife to do. I can, and should, help her in her journey...but I gotta step back and let her do for herself, ask for help, seek help, read books, etc..

And this is a challenge for us.

My own brokenness wants to do for my wife....but not in a noble way. In a "if I do this, then I can avoid that".....many times the "that" was being abandoned. See the irony in MY destructive choices?

Point of that is this......you have your own brokenness and pain to work on and heal through. Don't waste precious time and energy on his shit. He's a big boy, he made his choices, now he has his consequences to face. I know how scary it is to do what I just told you to do....but to NOT do this is to greatly increase your chances of having your relationship stay where it is at or repeat itself.

God is with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 4:29 PM, August 8th (Friday)]