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canwerebuild (original poster new member #44388) posted at 1:32 PM on Tuesday, August 5th, 2014
Hi,
I am a new member. My W and I had our D-Day 3 weeks ago. I had been denying my involvement in the A for three years. Finally things caught up with me and I could no longer lie to my wife. I told her some truth. Not everything, only some. We have been here on the boards a lot. I read the articles and some posts that said the only true way to heal is to get it out. Everything out. I continued to lie when she asked me if anything else happened during the A or with anyone else. I think they call this trickle true. I just gave a little more and a little more. We were making progress. We really were. Finally I realized that I had to get it all out there. I couldn't live with myself another moment. I could not lie to her anymore.
Now it's all out. All of the meetings and another one night stand. We have been slammed back to D-Day and she doesn't know if she can commit to a reconciliation but she will go back to the therapist with me. Now I have shattered her world again. We are on vacation with our children. I feel so lost and so sad I can barely breathe. I have hope for the future. I love my wife and I always have. I never stopped loving her through the lies and the betrayals. Now I need advice, please.
I am remorsely, I want to help her heal so badly, and I want to fix me and become the open and honest spouse she deserves. I have been faithful and committed to my marriage for 3 years since the A and in the time before I lost my way. I think I have one more chance to earn an opportunity to reconcile. I want my marriage and I want my wife. We can't get back to our therapist until next week. What can I do, what can I say, please help me
ME (40s): WS
Her (40s): BS
Together: 20 years
DD: 7/16/14; TT - 8/4/14
“The world breaks everyone and after many become stronger at the broken places."
DrJekyll ( member #43618) posted at 2:30 PM on Tuesday, August 5th, 2014
The best option for you right now is a lie detector test. My BS has told me that the lie detector gives her something to trust in, until she can trust me again. And this should not be an issue if all of the truth is out.
A wound can be stitched shut, but it decides when it will heal on its own.
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. C.S.Lewis
StartingFreshNow ( member #44224) posted at 3:55 PM on Tuesday, August 5th, 2014
I don't have much advice but I will say you're not alone. If you look at my sig. I did the same thing pretty much and you're right, it was a whole new D-Day and change the dynamics completely.
We are a week out from DDay#2 and my BH told me yesterday healing from this is completely different than healing from what he originally thought was going on - it's like starting all over again. I have to start over again too with helping him heal and rebuilding the trust, etc.
At least it's all out there now though, and you can really build a foundation on truth rather than lies.
Me: WW
2 young kids
DDay - Dec 2013 (EA), TT
DDay 2 - Jul 28, 2014 (PA), TT
DDay 3 - end of Aug/beg of Sep 2014
(All the same A)
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