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GoodAsICanBe (original poster member #44359) posted at 11:12 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014
I did it again being selfless. We kept talking about what I want and I really dug deep. I want her to be happy I want her to fill that nasty hole inside her. I want her to be able to value herself. I want her to do better...and no I am not playing her off as a victim she did wrong. She made the conscious decision to do what she did. I am looking at this from all perspectives including our kids. If she betters herself she will be happier. And she won't have to need to fill that hole with alcohol and drugs and forbidden relationships. I did not make this mess but I want us both to come out of it stronger. I want to be able to walk away from this and know that her mental state is fine and that our children will be fine.
Me:BH 24
Her:WW 26
2 DS's 4 & 6
DDay 1 July 21st OM1 (TT)
DDAY 2 July 24th OM2 (TT)
Final DDay August 7th (I hope..)
Status: In R
Love is not justification enough for your bullshit.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:38 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014
What does she want? You can't do it for her, she has to want it too.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:46 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
HurtingandLost ( member #29322) posted at 11:43 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014
I'll second authentics question. What does SHE want?
I said many of those same words for four long years out from Dday #1 in 2010. She didn't want any of those things and rugswept right into OM / A #2.
We love our spouses and our families, but unless your wife is willing to do the hard work involved in everything you described, you can want in one hand and do you know what in the other and see which hand fills up first.
Wishing you luck and strength.
GoodAsICanBe (original poster member #44359) posted at 12:19 AM on Friday, August 8th, 2014
She says she is but it also doubles because she never told me anything I had to get my answers myself so I can't trust a damn thing she says she can tell me she is working on herself and she could be but my outlook right now is she is full of shit everything that falls out of her mouth...but with actions can SHOW me and if I don't see any improvement then I can take my kids and walk and be able to say I honestly tried
Me:BH 24
Her:WW 26
2 DS's 4 & 6
DDay 1 July 21st OM1 (TT)
DDAY 2 July 24th OM2 (TT)
Final DDay August 7th (I hope..)
Status: In R
Love is not justification enough for your bullshit.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 12:57 AM on Friday, August 8th, 2014
What do YOU want? If this is IC, that's the primary question.
Come to think of it, if it's MC, you need to answer that question.
Or are you saying that you want a D in any case, and you want her to be able to make it on her own?
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
GoodAsICanBe (original poster member #44359) posted at 1:27 AM on Friday, August 8th, 2014
I am still in limbo its only been a week and he asked what I wanted the only thing I want right this moment is the hurt to stop...maybe the images to go away I am so tired of seeing them..I wish she could have told me something anything at all.
Me:BH 24
Her:WW 26
2 DS's 4 & 6
DDay 1 July 21st OM1 (TT)
DDAY 2 July 24th OM2 (TT)
Final DDay August 7th (I hope..)
Status: In R
Love is not justification enough for your bullshit.
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