If a married person can't get intimacy and sex from one's own spouse (especially after an A), then something needs to drastically change. If my WW had rejected me after D-Day, I think I would have been enraged enough to just leave and file for D. R is hard enough, let alone with a WS who doesn't want intimacy.
^^^^^^^^^I agree with the above.
You guys should be having sex. It's very important for you two to re-bond, and without the hormones like oxytocin and others released during sex, you will stay unbonded.
Your wayward bonded with the OM during sex.
If she is not willing to have sex with you, it may indicate that you are right, she only sees you as a sense of security, not a lover.
In emails I found between my wayward and his OW, she mentioned numerous times that she stayed with her husband only because she like the lifestyle he provided. She also never had sex with him, anymore, according to her emails and was trying to insist that my husband no longer have sex with me.
He did stop for a brief time to please her.
But, after dday, he wanted to have sex often with me.
Had he rejected me for sex, after having an affair, it would have been a deal breaker.
I am sorry to hear you are going through this.
An affair destroys the loyal spouses self-esteem, but then refusing to have sex with the loyal spouse, must decimate it even further.
She needs to start showing that she wants, needs, desires intimacy with you.
She can't expect you the wounded spouse to do that?
[This message edited by seethelight at 10:11 AM, August 14th (Thursday)]