SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My wife and I are going into our sixth year of marriage and recently I had met someone through a game that I was playing on my phone. I do not remember what game it was seeing as I play a lot of games while I am at work on my phone. I added this person on Facebook and we video chatted about the game for a little while and today we did a bit of chatting as well. My wife than proceeded to ask me if there was anything going on between this person and myself. I told her no and she asked why I had been following cam girls on twitter. I told her the truth about it which is that for a while i was feeling neglected when it came to our love life,and i would look at their pictures online to release my frustrations. I have been faithful since D-day two years ago. I have deleted my twitter account, but am unsure how I should go about deleting the person I was talking to about a game on a phone from Facebook. I would like to get to know this person as a friend only because as we were talking about the game we found we have a lot in common with eachother interests wise. She works in child care and I work with mentally and physically disabled people in a group home. There isn't even a away for me to like her in a sexual way. She isn't my type to begin with and I want to get my marriage back on track and keep it that way.

Um. No. There are a lot of things that we gave up when we decided to cheat. One of those things is friends of the opposite sex. (Which should never have been a thing in the first place ) Ask any of the BS here whose WS had an online affair or an emotional affair. It doesn't matter if you claim no sexual attraction. If someone or something (i.e. gaming) is coming between you and your wife, cut it out. Cheating proved our BS's worst nightmares about their self-worth and their worth to us. Nothing should ever come above her again. This is what Wayward Thinking looks like.

but am unsure how I should go about deleting the person I was talking to about a game on a phone from Facebook.

you just do it. Do you see the slippery slope that all of us have found ourselves on? No wonder this is alarming to your BW.

In our position, we have to do things differently. We have to do whatever to make our BSs feel safe. If she doesn't feel safe that you are talking to this chick then you stop. Pretty easy. Why is it so hard for you? Will you feel bad rejecting this new friend but not your wife? because that is what your actions show. It may feel like you're a bad guy or it will feel uncomfortable. But you owe your wife everything, not her. Your wife doesn't care that you want a new friend, she wants you to pick her. always.

You must admit with the history following the cam girls, and then cam chatting with this chick, that it's triggering her badly. You can help her with that you know? You can do what we failed to do before, protecting her and the M.

In my opinion, infidelity is defined by your spouse. If she feels you are cheating, you are cheating. Stop talking to your online friend and whatever. That's how that works.

Just because you aren't cheating doesn't mean you have fixed the problem. All this social media, social games, etc. sounds like numbing behavior. It sounds like you are escaping instead of dealing with your problems which is just a substitution for an affair. Are you in IC? What work have you done to change?

I had an afterthought..

you went through great lengths to justify and explain this blossoming friendship. why?

why is she so important? why must this total stranger from the internet have to become your friend at the expense of your BWs feelings?

You say you want to get your M back on track and keep it that way.. Do you see how this isn't going to help in the slightest?

like Done asked, what work are you doing to correct your waywardness?

You are still connecting with other women to make you feel good - that's alwYs going to be a problem. And doing it after you cheated on her and you don't see the problem?

Stop, stop right now, delete her, block her, you don't owe any explanation to a random woman on the internet. If you feel you do, that sounds like an EA in my book. Doesn't require sexual overtones to be wrong.

I added this person on Facebook and we video chatted about the game for a little while and today we did a bit of chatting as well

You are on here asking for advice when you know what this is going to lead to. Quit deluding yourself and making excuses. Delete her and block her.

There isn't even a away for me to like her in a sexual way.

This is not the point and you know it. The guy I recently had an affair with is not someone I usually find attractive at all yet there it is. We all know that when we are with the OP it's more about how they make us feel. That is where it starts. PA always start with EA.. Do yourself and your BS a huge favor.. Stop making excuses, admit you have a problem and stop all contact with the opposite sex.. I suggest you stop playing games on your phone as well as this seems to be a gateway for you....

My wife and I are going into our sixth year of marriage and recently I had met someone through a game that I was playing on my phone. I do not remember what game it was seeing as I play a lot of games while I am at work on my phone.

Um, no… you remember which game it was because you video chatted and talked to the other woman about it.

I added this person on Facebook and we video chatted about the game for a little while and today we did a bit of chatting as well.

Affairs start with breaks in boundaries. This is a major break because waywards should not have friends who are of the opposite sex who are not known by the BS. Honestly I think you are trolling looking for an EA. You want a “friend” who shares a game with you. Find a male friend, there is no reason for you to be chatting via video with a female.

My wife than proceeded to ask me if there was anything going on between this person and myself. I told her no and she asked why I had been following cam girls on twitter. I told her the truth about it which is that for a while i was feeling neglected when it came to our love life, and i would look at their pictures online to release my frustrations.

So you chose to seek out cam girls on twitter rather than telling your wife that you are feeling neglected. NO… this is deceptive and selfish behavior. You just blamed your wife’s lack of attention for going out and looking at nude/semi-nude pictures on the internet and relieving your “Frustration” (Is this a euphemism for masterbation?)

This is classic blame shifting. Nothing your wife did made you go out and look at cam girls. Also It could be that you are rewriting history in order to make going online and looking at cam girls justified.

I have been faithful since D-day two years ago.

If you mean you haven’t slept with other women then yeah… you could say that. But following cam girls on twitter and striking up online relationships with women on the internet don’t lend themselves to being faithful. What you are on is a very slippery slope.

I have deleted my twitter account, but am unsure how I should go about deleting the person I was talking to about a game on a phone from Facebook. I would like to get to know this person as a friend only because as we were talking about the game we found we have a lot in common with each other interests wise. She works in child care and I work with mentally and physically disabled people in a group home. There isn't even a away for me to like her in a sexual way. She isn't my type to begin with and I want to get my marriage back on track and keep it that way.

Yeah the "She isn't my type" or "There isn't even a away for me to like her in a sexual way." are two of the most common gas-lighting lies that waywards tell the BS when they suspect something.

What you don’t seem to understand is that because you were unfaithful before, that in order to keep your marriage / relationship you are now under a different set of rules:

1) No friends of the opposite sex who are not also friends with your wife.

2) No social interaction alone with these friends

3) Open and upfront about all communications with said friends

You delete the woman.

It doesn't matter that you share common interests

It doesn't matter that you play the same game

It doesn't matter if you want to be just friends

There is no “Just Friends” You have opened a door that should have never been opened. I would also suggest you get off social media and Facebook all together because it opens you up to boundary violations.

You talk about DDay being 2 years ago. So just what did you and your wife do in order to deal with your infidelity? Here you are two years later and you are stepping into serious boundary violations for someone who has cheated in the past. It takes 2-5 years to heal from the destruction of affairs, and this is if the wayward continues to do everything right. Usually we don’t so it extends the healing timeline.

I would read “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass, it talks about boundaries, and what you need to do in order to build and maintain them.

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503/refsr_1_1?ieUTF8&qid1486142579&sr8-1&keywordsnot+just+friends

I would also suggest the book “How to Help your Spouse Heal from Your Affair”

https://www.amazon.com/Help-Your-Spouse-Heal-Affair/dp/145055332X/refpd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encodingUTF8&psc1&refRIDY5CKWGAMJENZ1ABKB9FG

[This message edited by sorrowfulmate at 11:33 AM, February 3rd, 2017 (Friday)]

Sorry, missed the stop sign. Never mind.

[This message edited by TurnOtherCheek at 11:39 AM, February 3rd (Friday)]

Is your friend more important than your wife?

BH and I are loosely still connected to one of my APs. I could contact him legitimately with no strings just to be friends but my BH has asked me not to and if the AP contacts me then I have promised to tell him immediately.

The reason I don't contact him is because my BH and my marriage are a million times more important than a friend. I can find plenty of friends (female friends too, rather than the opppsite sex) so he ain't worth that risk and I don't want to put myself in a position where I could be lead down a path where one day I might be tempted to tell him that things are tough or he could play on my weaknesses.

For us WS there will never be an innocent friendship with the opposite sex. Under no circumstances. No one on one games, no group games, no talking, no texting, no chats...you already provided too much personal information to this person.

It is your job to know what things, behaviors will make your BS uncomfortable. You know perfectly well what you were doing.

You need to talk to your BS. You need to go back to IC or if you are in IC still, find out why you are going back to old behaviors or trying to seek release for watching girls on cams. It is your behavior, it has nothing to do with what your BS is doing or not doing.

Once you cheat your life is forever changed. No more opposite sex friends. No more private emails on boards. No more online chatting. No more social media.

Sorry the friend has to go.