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Reconciliation :
Windshields & Rear Views

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 CaptainRogers (original poster member #57127) posted at 6:15 AM on Friday, August 11th, 2017

I use the illustration quite a lot when working with clients, and it also seems to fit in with the road to R. That's the illustration of the windshield & the rear view.

Both devices sit in front of you while in your vehicle. And both serve a purpose. The massive windshield is there so you can see where you are headed. It gives you a big picture of what is in front of you.

The rear view is centered at head level, but it is much smaller. Why? Because you are only supposed to glance at it. It shows what is in the past.

Now, if you spend your time driving by looking in that small space at the past, you will cause a serious crash. Why? Because you aren't looking at what is in front of you.

I have found this to be true in my healing and the path to R. When I spend too much time focusing on the past, on the A in particular, our relationship crashes. That's because I am not focused on moving forward.

This isn't to say that we should never look back. That would be rug sweeping and that isn't good. Just like it is important to check behind you to see if someone is coming up to pass, it's important to look at the past in our relationships to see where we have been and how far we have already come.

It's good to check that rearview from time-to-time. But we can't drive forward doing that for very long without a major mishap. So, be reminded of the past, but spend more of the time focused on what is in front of you to Be able to handle the curves and to avoid those crashes.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3355   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 7943379
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Lowlow ( member #38653) posted at 8:51 AM on Friday, August 11th, 2017

Thanks for th illustrative analogy! Very helpful.

Me (BS) 41 Him (FWS) 42 at time of confession

Reconciling

posts: 879   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Neither here nor there
id 7943412
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OnlyGodcanhealIT ( member #59897) posted at 10:26 AM on Friday, August 11th, 2017

I love that!! I am a visual person so I will always remember that. Thank you.

BW: 48
WH: 46
DDAY: 9/21/2016
Affair was 4/2015 ...6 week affair that he ended on his own and never told me..found out from AP husband on FB on 9/21/2016...Fun stuff!

posts: 68   ·   registered: Jul. 29th, 2017
id 7943440
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Arabella ( new member #60111) posted at 12:00 PM on Friday, August 11th, 2017

You are so right. And I have heard this at business workshops as well and never thought to apply it to my M.

Thank you

posts: 38   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2017   ·   location: Australia
id 7943511
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