SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted my backstory the other day but I got scared.

Cliff notes, married 13 years. Had year long affair with the husband of a friend. D day 1 July 3 with nothing admitted, D day 2 July 25th trickle truth D day with everything Oct. 13th. All the truth came out.

I thought he read things here but instead he had found my journal and read everything.

BH left for the weekend and came home last night.

Don't know what will happen. I hate myself hate what I did but I am a mad hatter too bc he cheated on me when we were married a year. But he admitted it. So someone wrote a question about should they come clean or not.. Well my answer is come clean. Trickle truth makes it worse MUCH WORSE

Hi there TiredSoul2017,

Welcome to SI. I read your first post before you took it down. I am sure that right now you must be feeling like you're in an impossible tangle of painful emotions with a BS who is reeling. I know it feels terrible. Most of us have been right where you are.

It might not seem like it now but the one bright spot is that now it is out in the open. Lies and secrets fester and make us sick. Lancing the wound is painful but it is the only way real healing can happen. That said, does your BS know everything? I mean everything. Is there anything that you are remaining silent about because you are afraid of hurting him more, or that he'll leave you, or...fill in your fear here. Anything not related to this affair but that you're keeping secret?

It takes courage and a lot of work to genuinely recover from infidelity. You will need to learn how to deal with difficult feelings in ways that aren't destructive. You'll need to build up your capacity for empathy and compassion and learn how sit with your own pain and your BS's pain while keeping your defenses down.

You did a good thing by coming here. This place has helped me so much. There are many fellow travelers here on the path that can help you along. Keep reading and post when you have questions or need support.

Strength and courage to you from a fellow EvolvingSoul.

this place is very helpful. You will get advice and knowledge based on nearly every type of infidelity you could imagine. And just when you thought you had heard it all someone will come along and surprise you.

The basic responses to coming clean are the same: stop the affair activity, rewire your brain to be caring and empathetic and change your habits.

We're here to help go No contact - it's a bitch but it's black and white. Don't contact - never for no reason. Do. not. Contact. Be happy for yourself every day you do not contact - it's very hard a lot of people can't do it. I know you can - we are rooting for you.

Rewire your thinking - if you ask 110 of us for thoughts on your situation you could get 125 responses - smile. Sit with them all and see what fits for you. They'll be all over the place too - nice, funny, not so nice, the range - just sit with them, see what works for you - try some and see what happens. Most of all do what you think is best for your spouse.

Your habit development is pretty important too - what makes you feel good in the midst of how much damage you've created. Exercise, yoga, journaling, whatever - just make healthy choices and that will help.

Your situation may be slightly different with the mad hatter angle (you both cheated) but it probably didn't get dealt with a year in to the marriage cause this happened.

Have hubby post too if you're ok w it.

Good luck - smile.

[This message edited by gonnabegr8 at 9:21 PM, October 17th (Tuesday)]

A point. Its sad that we can't even have journals. I'd love to have one but this is why I won't.

I have a jouneral it's on here. I love it when I need to writge something down at work it's right at my finger tips.