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So my boys are 14 and 13. On Friday, my 13 year old charged 200 bucks on his wrestling game. We talked about it and decided that his punishment would include taking 100 from his Christmas Money and put it in his savings. Some of it came from her family. I let her pick them up again today for another Christmas get together and when she brought them back, she had the boys send me outside to talk to her. She told me that she disagrees with my decision and that since her relatives gave him cash that she has a say in what happens to it. I thanked her for her input and very nicely informed her that it isn't her decision, but I'm not happy with her boundary stomping and I am rethinking my policy of always agreeing to any visitation she asks for. Any impartial views of this would be appreciated.

She has no say. Once a gift is given it is the right of the person receiving it to spend it how they wish. He was irresponsible and spent it on the wrestling game. The fact that you chose to let him put it in savings instead is your parenting decision as him mom and she needs the butt out. Stick to the visitation in your parenting plan.

I think you handled it just fine. You held your ground and put her in her place. You can’t control what she thinks or feels, you can only control your response to it and your response was perfectly appropriate.

[This message edited by freetogonow at 10:57 PM, December 26th (Tuesday)]

I agree with the others. She overstepped, and you very politely intervened as the mom. She can disagree all she wants, but she is not their parent. The end, not your problem.

So where does she think that $200 bucks he charged is supposed to come from? If SHE wants to cover it then I am sure you will be happy to entertain her thoughts of her family's gift being used on something else

You handled it correctly - it is not her decision.

As for visitation, I would not make this a battle. She gave her opinion and it doesn't count - the end.

If the flexible times work for you and you want to accommodate, then ok. If not, then ok as well.

As a stepmom, I agree that she overstepped. As a stepmom, I have also been accused of overstepping. I didn't care what the birth mom thought in our situation. Neither birth parent was stepping up, and someone needed to help my stepson.

Both of my stepkids are awesome, productive adults who have lots of loving parents. I am so very proud of them!

I would love it if STBXWW tried to ever contribute OM's opinion to a discussion about our kids. Opening that door for me to share MY opinion would be amazing.

She would learn real quick he doesn't get an opinion with our kids. Ever. About anything. I don't care if they end up married and have twenty kids of their own, he has no say in mine. Period.

Dear Relatives of Ow,

Thank you so much for the generous gift for Christmas. It was awesome and I spent it on a wrestling game and had a great time.

Sincerely,

Dear Son of BW

Thanks for your replies! I really hate confrontation, especially surprise ones like this, so the feedback really helps to make sure I am reacting appropriately. Remnant of being married to and divorced from a narcissist(both of which are Herculean tasks)

Anyway, they are going with her for a third day, on the 30th, and then it will probably go back to the usual no contact for a few months. Unless they want to fight over this, in which case I might be reporting back here.

Oh do by all means come back if she gives you any shit and we’ll tell you what to say.

Will Do!

And Josie, that's spot on! Even if it WAS any of her business, I don't know why she doesn't understand that he spent the money; it isn't being taken from him.

And tell your boys that the discipline/consequences that you establish are not up for discussion with their stepmother.