SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is my first post on the D/S portion of SI. I have been posting the past year on the R pages. WS and I have been working on R since her ONS over a year ago.

Well, not so much working on it as I've been waiting and watching to see if she's safe. We have been in IC/MC for the majority of the time and felt like we were best friends again. There was still no romantic side to our marriage because I held it back. We haven't had sex since the ONS and haven't slept in the same room since.

Last week she betrayed my trust by not respecting the NC put in place. I asked her to move out immediately because I felt the betrayal all over again.

I've went 180 and have had very little contact with her all week. And it's hard, I'm just so lonely and miss her. I know I can't give in and let her know or then she will see there is no consequence for her action.

I still have a lot of love for her and believe that we still had a lot of good in us. But this hurt so much. She's been trying to contact begging me to come back and it's so hard to neglect. I want to just hug her but know I can't.

She's saying she is going to prove to me she can fix herself and do the hard work needed to stay in this marriage, but I wish it didn't have to come to this for her to realize it.

We are both children of divorce and I know neither of us truly want a divorce, but I can't keep going if she can't prove herself to be safe.

I don't know how long I plan to stay seperated or what I even need to see to let her come back home.

I'm just rambling now, but I'm just feeling incredibly down....and lonely and scared and hurt and a million other emotions.

What contact did she make?

can she prove to you that was the only time she broke NC?

Glad that you did show her that she needs to respect you.

Why did she think it was okay to break NC?

I'm sorry, that's so tough.

I think it will help you and her to tell her what you need right now. If you want to be left alone indefinitely, tell her that and remind her if she loves you like she says she does, she will respect your wishes.

If she is manipulative and controlling, this is what is terrifyig her. She's lost control over you and you are not doing what she wants.

Treat this like a death - I'm not saying OMG divorce her now, but your marriage is currently dead. You don't have to make a decision today or tomorrow or next week so do not pressure yourself. It's natural to feel like this, the way you describe.

Eat, sleep, drink water, avoid alcohol. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you'll be there.

I'm so sorry. I can't really relate. My STBXH ignored me and the girls for years. I tried to get him to be involved for a long time, but eventually, I just felt like I was constantly nagging him. That's not who I am or want to be.

Now being separated hasn't been a lonely experience for me. But I can tell you that when I started feeling ignored by him years ago and felt really lonely, I decided that I have a lot of talents and skills that I can share with others. I started getting involved in other activities. I started the church youth group. I lead the girls' scout troop. I even volunteered at the schools to read with kids.

I would really suggest that you find something that you like or a talent you can share with others and invest time in that. You could find a hobby or reconnect with old friends. Spend your time doing things that enrich your life. Eventually, it will come naturally and you won't feel like something is missing from your life.

Hugs to you though. You will make it. As my friend from college said, "were you happy before you met X? Then you'll be happy again."