SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

WS input welcome.

My WS ghosted his AP, and she then apparently phoned for weeks and sent a letter to ask why he'd stopped seeing her/was no longer in touch. I'm sure she must have texted too. He says he ignored her, but when she wouldn't stop ringing, admitted to a mutual friend that he'd cheated but was still with me (he never left), in the hopes she'd pass the message on.

My difficulty in believing this is that if he found the calls so stressful, a simple text would have told her what she needed to know, without having to directly get caught up in a conversation. So why didn't he?

I can't come up with a single good reason, and he hasn't either. Can't remember /doesn't know. But the only motivations I can think of are that he didn't want her to know we were together, didn't want to hurt her feelings, or wanted to keep her open as an option in case he changed his mind. What else could there possibly be?

If your WS did the same, or you did it yourself, what were your reasons?

FWH ghosted AP because he finally realized that while on his side the LTA was strictly NSA FWB's sex, It started wanting and demanding more. FWH started realizing that OW wasn't that smart nor that stable. FWH realized that he had no control over OW and he started worrying that OW was going to tell me all about It. FWH realized that OW was a loose cannon.

Basically, FWH ghosted AP because of fear.

I sent a NC letter to the OM. I ghosted everyone else. Male friends and anyone who wasn’t friends of the marriage got blocked without a word as to why. Why did I do it like this? I don’t like conflict and these people were awful.

These people continued to call and yes I found it stressful. I ended up giving BH my phone and I got a new number.

could be NC. and trying to stick to NC.

maybe he wanted to stop the A cold.

hope you find some peace.

My WH did this before I found out. His reason was that he hoped she’d just move on & go quietly! Er ok! Said he was scared of her reaction if he actually officially said “it’s over” so he took the cowards way out and ghosted her. Ok so I don’t actually give a crap how she felt about this but it does concern me that he didn’t actually man up and end it. He basically ran away & hid, pretty easy to do considering was long distance EA.

A few days NC later, she contacted me and outed him.

[This message edited by Carrie2013 at 4:29 PM, June 28th (Thursday)]

My WH ghosted OW#2. #1 was a ONS, so no need to communicate it was over.

He ghosted her because, according to him he tried to end it. Kept telling her he wasn't leaving me, then she'd threaten him by saying everyone was going to find out. The last day they were together, he called and told her he was done. She said she thought this was a face to face conversation, not a phone one, so he went to her apartment and told her it was over. She didn't want to hear it. Long story short they had sex, and as he was leaving she asked if they were still good. He said yes, then never spoke to her or replied to her texts again.

I think the "reasons" for ghosting are varied, but what it boils down to is being a selfish coward. Then again, IMHO, it is selfish cowards that have A's to begin with.

[This message edited by doigoordoistay at 4:52 PM, June 28th (Thursday)]

Because he didn't want to.

He probably didn't want to because he avoids conflict.

Just a guess....

Thanks for all the input. A few of those responses ring true for WS, so although he's said a few different things so far, and I'm still not sure what he was really thinking, at least I have recognised some of what he has suggested is common and therefore could be true. Unless he's read it somewhere and thought it sounded a likely excuse! :/

It's a rare day in Hell when any cheater TRULY 'ghosts' someone they've been involved with - especially if it was a long term affair.

I've read OW support boards for over 15 years and I can only remember maybe 5 or 10 times in all those years when an OW cried and moaned that their married man had completely shut down all communication with her after D-Day and was ignoring her. That type of scenario is pretty rare compared to those OW who posted after their D-Day that they continued communication with their married man and simply came up with alternate ways to stay in touch that his wife was unaware of.

I'm going to be honest HickoryApple. Your husband is shady as hell and all you've found over the years is constant proof of all the fishing poles he continually keeps in the water, looking to snag himself some action.

My difficulty in believing this is that if he found the calls so stressful, a simple text would have told her what she needed to know, without having to directly get caught up in a conversation. So why didn't he? I can't come up with a single good reason, and he hasn't either.

The guy has bold-faced LIED to you for so long he doesn't even know what the truth IS anymore. While his 'story' about how he supposedly ghosted this woman sounds oh so noble, it falls apart when you actually start asking the hard questions. And the reason for that is the very high probability that once again, the liar is lying to you because that's all he's DONE for 19 years.

Lying is a way of life for him.

So do I believe your husband's rather unbelievable story that he simply cut the OW off and ghosted her? Knowing what you've told us about this liar, I honestly wouldn't believe a word out of his mouth. If he said it was raining, I'd actually have to walk outside just to see for myself.

Sorry.