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My WW and I have been in R for 9 months and I feel like it is going well. She has been very engaged in R and has done almost everything I have asked for.

However, as Thanksgiving approaches I am starting to feel resentment toward her for changing how I feel about the Holidays. I don’t really care about them at the moment. Now it seems like that the resentment has turned to a feeling of indifference toward her. Almost like I don’t care what she is doing or feeling. This is polar opposite of how I’ve felt since this whole mess started almost a year ago.

Anyone had anything similar happen to them?

I can relate. Sometimes I feel like I'm outside of my own life. I hadn't wanted to see his parents or anyone associated with my WH at all. It still feels surreal even though we too, have been working in R.

I invited his parents for Thanksgiving tomorrow because that's what we've always done. I don't want any questions, as they don't know.

Today is seven months since D Day, and although things have been so much better, I still don't feel completely safe. My MC tells me I need to be more communicative. I just can't... Don't want to?

So I get the apathy.

I wish I could offer you some advice, but know you're not alone. All I do is try to push through the triggers. Remember that life isn't in the rearview mirror. And try to replace the negativity with positivity in my life.

I think it's normal especially at 9 months out. If you have a remorseful WW who is doing the work you probably won't always feel this way.

I'm 6 years out with an unremorseful WS and I'm just now getting into the holidays again for ME. It takes time.

I can completely relate too. We are a bit over a year past D-Day. We had the hysterical bonding phase followed by the post-A honeymoon phase. Then after I did not see much progress or change beyond the mandatory NC, I felt turned off (even disgusted) by what had happened. I mentally traced it back to realizing that I had lost my respect for my WS and that was making me indifferent and detached. Why fight for such a broken "prize"? Why give a shit?

Through MC (she would not participate in IC), she is getting better and slowly improving. So I am being more hopeful and starting to respect her again. That makes me feel better about her being someone worth fighting for. But man...it is a freaking roller coaster of emotions.

I can relate. I usually host like 30 guests including foreign students at my house. This year we planned to go to my sister in law. Even that is out for me now. I just told my WH that he can take the kids on his own and while he is at it don’t come back. I am tired! My big DDay was three days before Christmas. I don’t feel like celebrating anything. It would just be one fake production after another. Sorry to be such a downer.

I can totally relate. Some days I think he could leave and never come back and Id be ok with it. I just get tired of the effort it takes to be happy some days. I have a permanent scar that someone gave me. Someone who was supposed to be my protector stabbed me in the heart. When I look at him I just want to cry sometimes and scream "WHY!?!?!?!?!?!". We have our great days too...but I know had we addressed the issues he blamed the A on BEFORE he had the A, our marriage would be even better and we wouldn't have this cloud over our heads.

I totally get it, I am struggling with wanting to be a part of this year for the holidays. Resentful towards WH for feeling this way? Yep but most of the time when I think about the approaching holidays I just feel flat.

I am pretty sure he feels it, he has stepped up using my love language to reach me. Since DDay2 he is pretty direct in trying to get me to articulate my feelings but he hasn't pushed. I am using work to avoid having be around his family this year. As much as I love and enjoy time with them I just don't have the desire.

Awful that I am not alone in feeling this way but comforting knowing it is not just me and hopeful it may get better the farther away we get from DDay as long as the work continues.

sleepylove, I live on the planet Indifference.

It where I had to get to find a way to deal with it. Other wise I would have been divorced years ago.

It a good place to find some time and distance to clear your head and get perspective, but at some point you either need to re-engage or move on without them.

Thanksgiving approaches I am starting to feel resentment toward her for changing how I feel about the Holidays.

Talk to her about this. You are only 9 months out, and you say it's going well. Sharing this type of thing is hard, but it will probably bring you both closer together.

Best of luck to you...

OH - And get an extra slice of pie.. that might help too.

I can relate to the resentments, it’s hard. So much in our lives changes. At least your reconciling.

Indifference is the place we go to to protect ourselves - it's where we find a reprieve from the overwhelming pain and shock. It gives our minds a chance to recoup and start to evaluate the situation.

Holidays are hard - especially if your Dday is right around the holidays (ours was in Oct. 27). I have to admit the first Thanksgiving and Christmas was horrible - I was numb - just running on auto pilot. When holidays rolled around again I just concentrated on the kids and grandkids - but slowly as we began to rebuild our lives and realized I really did want to R - I began to find joy in the holidays again.

Honestly - the holidays are still tinged with sadness - when I have fleeting thoughts of what we almost lost - what he was willing to risk for the cheapness of the A. That sadness does not dominate me - I am at a point where I again look forward to the holidays

Time really is the great healer - especially if she is giving you what you need to help you heal. The firsts are always the hardest - the first holidays after Dday - the first anniversary of Dday - trying to figure out how to deal with the overwhelming feelings.

Just ride the wave of your feelings - slowly - almost without you realizing it - clarity does return - and you start to feel again - you will feel things differently - but that is not necessarily a bad thing.