SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My kids are young. Until this summer I had been a SAHM.

I would do anything for my kids.

I have not told the kids what a lying, cheating, self-centered POS their dad is, nor do I treat him with contempt in front of them. That said, the other day when I was at a low point and the kids asked why I was so sad there may have been a wee bit of the dad not wanting to be married to me anymore.

I do believe in honesty, and that was 100% honest. He doesn’t, and I have come to terms with that.

Honesty the best policy? Sugar coat for the kids?

I mean, the truth is that I hope WS gets his stuff together and becomes someone I want the kids to learn from, respect and follow in his footsteps. However, he’s a far cry from that at the moment. He has crushed my heart on more than one occasion. Sure, the kids probably don’t need to know that, but I’m also not going to go out of my way to make him look good.

I’m probably screwing up my kids totally. Any suggestions on how to preserve their security and menta well being in this?

The thing with kids is they sense something is wrong, and if they do not get a reasonable answer to their direct question they tend to blame themselves and carry a tremendous amount of guilt and fear.

My belief is if a child asks a direct question the parent is obligated to answer honestly in a kid appropriate way.

And assure them that no matter what it is not their fault and that they are deeply loved.

I don't know your story. If he had an affair I might explain to young children that Daddy broke a promise to me and I am very sad about that. And then go one with the assurance that it has nothing to do with them.....

If they are 12 or over I would say dad has a girlfriend and that breaks his promise to me. And I am struggling with what to do. Assure them you will always answer their questions honestly.

I just recently had this discussion with my children who are 8 and 5 yrs old. I did not give any details because I personally didn’t feel they needed or would understand them. I also don’t want them to lose respect for their mother even though I have. I simply told them that sometimes even grownups make bad decisions that hurt people and there are consequences to them. I also made sure that they understood that none of this was anything they did and this was an issue between their mother and myself. Maybe one day they will find out the whys but for now I will choose to protect their worlds the best I can.

I am so sorry to hear about what is happening in your life. I know how difficult it is to try and shield our loved ones from our problems; especially our little ones. It is so good that you are trying to work through your emotions and keep a good outlook. You are being a positive role model for your children in how you process and overcome adversity. It is a lot to go through and it isn’t easy. Please continue to hang in there.

In the meantime, have you got a good support group? Family and friends are so good to bounce our thoughts off of. I found my family, friends, and church to be a tremendous help to me and my kids.

I am so sorry to hear about what is happening in your life. I know how difficult it is to try and shield our loved ones from our problems; especially our little ones. It is so good that you are trying to work through your emotions and keep a good outlook. You are being a positive role model for your children in how you process and overcome adversity. It is a lot to go through and it isn’t easy. Please continue to hang in there.

In the meantime, have you got a good support group? Family and friends are so good to bounce our thoughts off of. I found my family, friends, and church to be a tremendous help to me and my kids.

[This message edited by Esther2258 at 4:03 PM, November 26th (Monday)]