I have been through the stage that A was the only and sole focus of my life and I was miserable and hopeless. It took me half a year to dig myself out of the black hole - I could not work, could not cope with kids’ needs, had fight with WH involving 911. It’s very ugly and dark.
I read tons of books, forums, whatever I can get access to on A. The finding is that I’m not alone and everyone’s situation is different. There are lots of threads here helped me along the rocky route. I want to share my rear-mirror reflection on this tough journey even though I’m not 100% sure of the future of my marriage. What I can say is that now our marriage is way much better than before, even though I had a publicly considered happy marriage to begin with.
After I realized that I can carmly face the shameless AP, I called her with two purposes: 1: warn her if she dares to contact WH again( she did send an email, which triggered my call), I will disclose the A in public 2: to proove she indeed is a slut as all my existences pointed and see how she would respond to my call. The call lasted one hour, i am 100% confident that she is a serial AP from multiple affairs. Her tears were either fake or out of being scared that I will disclose her ugly side in public.
What’s more important is that all the time I was suffering, she moved on with no regret. She is dating WH’s boss now. I feel so sorry for her child. This stuck me as why I am dragging WH down to the painful black hole with me, while this slut continues to enjoy her lust desire? WH and AP Should be punished, not me. I cannot continue to have A as the center of my life to consume my time and energy. I come back to SI to pay it forward, otherwise I would completely move on. A happened and it’s impossible to rewind. Life moves on and now I have the capability to be happy again.
My relationship with WH is better. But he is never again a must have in life. I only trust myself, the way it should be to begin with.
For those who are working on putting A behind, focus on yourself and children, intentionally deviate your attention to other places more rewarding with positive attitude. Life can still be good after A, becaus for me, it’s the first time I really took time to pond on human nature, marriage, and happiness. I was reborn.