SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Some new information about my WS has come my way that has solidified my decision to move on. The news does hurt my heart, but it is nice at the same time because I can see that there is nothing that I want from my WS any longer.

Link to original post: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=635815&HL=69796

It turns out that the WS has been “in love” with her abusive ex-bf for three years. She does not understand love but instead mistakes infatuation for love. Additionally, she has been dating her abusive ex-bf AP for at least one month longer than she told me.

The final blow however, came for this: she said that since about three years ago, WS has looked at me as a way to get her to where she wants to be in life. Such as A stepping stone on a path. Talk about being played. The gaslighting is all too real.

There are other details from straight out of the cheaters script: I brainwashed her and made her behave not as herself, I caused her to be antisocial, I was controlling; the list goes on, and it’s almost 100% untrue. It’s truly astonishing how closely the cheaters all generally follow the same script.

Oh yeah, she also said that I never wanted kids and that si would have been a terrible father. Truth is, I like kids, wanted them, and everyone tells me how great of a father that I would be (including WS). In any case, thank god I had none with her, shieeeet.

She has voiced that she understands that she gave up everything she has to be with this abusive POS. She has complained about being lonely due to having zero support from any of her friends and family. She has started drinking a lot of alcohol and smoking cigarettes, there are even speculations of cocain use coming up.

The karma train has begun for her too: she won’t be able to graduate college this May as planned because it turns out she is one unit short on a required GE art course! Wow, that part is just something else.

Anyhow, I can now clearly see that she really never was who I thought she was. Next time, I will listen to my family when they tell me that the woman I am with may not be all that.

Planning on filing for D tomorrow. Also, I have completely disconnected any access to her that I can in order to stop Pain shopping.

[This message edited by Hold2win at 5:17 PM, March 24th (Sunday)]

I'm sorry this has all happened to you. I am glad, though, that you now know. Be thankful you didn't have children with her. Whew!

Now, you can have your best life!

Like I typed earlier AG,

NOT YOUR CIRCUS, NOT YOUR MONKEY

@totallydumb

I must have missed what you typed earlier, what did you say other than the comment in bold?

BTDT man. This controlling thing is such a cliche. At this point, I would love to meet a BH who wasn't called controlling/difficult. Don't dwell on it at all. Don't take it personally. It's all on her. Why is she being deliberately cruel to you now? Didn't she take all the blame before leaving? It's good that you're starting to fall out of love from her. This abusive ex story sounds fishy as well. Sounds like she has found her level. Time to file and get rid of this cancer. Ask for half the filing fees if you can.

If there are any filing fees I will get my half. However, I am going to see if I qualify for the fee waiver.

The abusive ex thing is something that I haven’t yet heard from other stories that I’ve read/looked up. I mean, who the F leaves a marriage to return to an abusive relationship? I’ll tell you who: not my problem.

What I meant is do you know for sure that her ex was abusive? Where did this information come from because her words aren't worth shit right now. So many exes paint their partner as narcisstic/abusive after a breakup that I'll take the info with a grain of salt. My ex tried to badmouth me to our mutual friends as well. Just like your WW is doing.

Very true that it's not your problem anymore. That's a great attitude to have.

Hey, man, I want to say this without sounding patronizing, but I know no other way. I'm really effing proud of you. Too many of us don't cut and run soon enuf. I like what Jduff told you on your original thread that she needed to adult-the-fuck-up. Well... you Adulted-the-fuck-up. Kudos, brother.

@notthemanIwas

Thank you brother. This recent news blew out any hope I had left.

@RustyLife

Yes I know for a fact he was abusive. And so do about 50 other people around her life who have come to support me. Many of them experienced his abuse first hand too as they had relations with this guy.

I’m sorry for your pain. I also think you dodged a bullet later in life after wasting so many years with such a broken person.

I reluctantly have to admit I feel a bit sorry for her as well. She is broken and is picking an even more broken person to be with.

I wish you luck in your career going forward and hope you find someone who truly deserves the good person you are.

@Hold2Win

Gotta tell you brother, your story is eerily similar to mine (As so many here seem to be), I wept a little for you. Although, my career was already established ... we weren't married yet ... and she cheated with some new dirtbag scumfuck while enjoying 'newfound freedom' after graduation.

You can read about it here, if you like, but it's kinda long. Many other respondents to your post have already offered advice towards my situation and have provided much needed perspective.

in JFO: New member to the club ... freaking devastated

Simply put, we lived together in an apartment far away from close friends and family for 4 years and were with each other 24/7 ... it became more than best friend type shit. Like, almost ad-nauseum how much we depended on each other's company.

She had just graduated last year and decided 6 months before our marriage date to give up on us and our responsibilities and totally shit-tard our last 7 years together. I know many others have it worse, even you do ... exchanging vows and all. But still, it's emotional as hell.

Just saying, right now I wish I had your strength to move forward as quickly as you seem to have. Keep your head high and hope for better horizons, I know I'm desperately trying to.

Anyhow, I can now clearly see that she really never was who I thought she was.

I was worried about you. Graduate and don't look back. Thank you for updating us on your journey out of infidelity.

Thanks for the support, everyone, it means the world to me.

@Robert

I filed for D two days ago, planning to have her served by the end of the week,

F her for even thinking of me as a “path” to get her where she wants to be

If you don’t mind, let us know when she is served and how it goes.

Remember, waking up from a fog and showing regret is NOT remorse. So if that happens don’t agree to anything.

It’s what she does with it, over time, that rebuilds and repairs. Only thru hard work and lots of steps and boundaries can she do that.

I don’t think she really has that in her, do you? So stay on this path until she shows she is truly worthy, of ever, of having you as a spouse again.

Take care.