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I have been clinically diagnosed through a full psychological evaluation as having Antisocial Personality Disorder leaning more towards the psychopathy side and other Cluster-B personality disorder traits. Is there anybody here that has this same disorder, or any BS's that their WS's had this disorder and have experience dealing with it?

I'm struggling with managing the symptoms of this disorder as well as an addict mindset while trying to go through reconciliation. This makes it extremely difficult for my BS as well since there is a lot of defensiveness that comes up, intimacy avoidance, a highly self absorbed and selfish mindset, lack of strong emotions (except anger) and hardly any ability to show remorse, manipulation, lying not just to my BS but to myself as well, having an altered sense of perception different from the reality around me and the reality that I'm creating through my actions and choices, a lot of control issues, and many more problematic behaviors.

Do any of you have any experience with this disorder and if so, what have you done to manage these symptoms and not act out of the addict mindset or the personality disorder?

One of the things I need to do to keep myself honest and on track through recovery is, of course, accountability. I think that a major problem that is contributing to the defensiveness, the anger, and a lot of the other problems is that my perspective of reality is being skewed, by myself. This makes it to where I don't always see things for how they are until after the fact and until my BS has to point it out to me. This doesn't even always work because then the defensiveness kicks in as my perception is coming into question and is under the spotlight. Lord forbid I just accept that I'm wrong and that the way I'm seeing things is being altered by my justifications, lies, manipulations, and rationalizations. Taking a moment to truly hear my BS, reflect on what she is saying to me and try to see another perspective other than the one I'm feeding myself. Instead, I end up fighting and arguing and trying to shove my (wrong) perception of reality onto my BS and try to make her see things my way. It's truly sick. Sometimes it feels like I'm coming out of it and I can recognize this, either in the moment, or like right now as I'm writing this, and then there are times where it is like I'm pulled right back into this twisted and messed up mentality.

I have tried for the past few years since my A came out to manage these things on my own and try to fix things by myself, but I can't do it by myself. A sick and distorted mind is not going to heal and fix a sick and distorted mind, you can't fix a problem with the same mindset that created the problem.

I need to stay the course and actually follow through with my recovery work as this is something that in the past, I have started and would do just enough to get in my BS's good graces and then give up and not follow through with until the next fallout, lather, rinse, repeat, the cycle continues. I want to break the cycle.

What are your thoughts on all of this, and what experience do you have with ASPD?

I'm wondering if the advice we normally share here coupled with experience is going to have the same effect on you, considering your dx.

I feel like if you are leaning towards psychopathy you're going to need the help of a professional that has experience there. That's a huge revelation and I think you have wasted a lot of time trying to fix it on your own. I'm not so sure a regular IC would be much help. And after reading your other post about the IC thing, it might be wise to nix that altogether and get yourself serious intervention. I think sexual addiction is the least of your problems and I say that because it's an extension of your dx. Fix the root of your problem and most likely the "side effects" will clear up.

Your awareness is promising but you see that you lack action and the mental capability to secure any change regardless of that awareness. You want help and that's a good sign too. Unless you treat this with the highest priority and with the right professionals I fear you will live that cycle the rest of your days. That doesn't sound so reassuring does it? Sorry for that, it's just big things need to happen if you're ever going to get well and I sincerely wish that for you.

I have no experience of being in a relationship with someone with ASPD. I have some experience with my own mental illness (major depression). I have some experience with being in intimate relationships with a person who has a mental illness (addiction to alcohol).

Someone with a severe "substance use disorder" can have some of the same symptoms as a person with a "Cluster B personality disorder" (antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder). When my wife was drinking very heavily, her personality changed substantially and there were times when I wondered if she might have a cluster B personality disorder. She sometimes referred to her chronic feelings of emptiness. She feared abandonment. She became excessively egocentric. She seemed to feel entitled. She was superficially charming but she seemed to disregard social norms and the rights and feelings of others. She had difficulty with empathy. At times she was incredibly manipulative. She was capable of detaching herself from reality in extraordinary ways. She became impulsive and at times extraordinarily irresponsible and even reckless. And on and on.

I have a couple of thoughts about your situation. If you are aware that you might have some kind of mental illness (such as a personality disorder) then you have taken a very important step. The recognition that you may have a mental health problem would seem to be critical. I would guess that many people with a Cluster B personality disorder may realize that they have problems but would be incapable of recognizing that their own personality might be disordered. You seem to have a leg up on the competition in that regard.

You seem to be approaching your problem systematically and logically. You are looking for viable solutions and for feedback. I would guess that is also a very good sign. I would guess that it would be very helpful to you if you can view your problem as a mental health problem and if you can avoid (as much as possible) the blaming and shaming that comes with mental health problems (and sometimes other health problems).

If I were you, I would want a second, independent, expert opinion regarding your diagnosis. I assume that an accurate diagnosis must be important in choosing the best approach to therapy. I also assume that personality disorders are much more difficult to pin down than say coronary heart disease or pneumonia. There is a good chance that a different psychiatrist or psychologist might arrive at a different diagnosis.

If I were you, I would read everything I could about Cluster B personality disorders and their treatment. I would want basic information about prognosis, research on the most effective treatments, what I could reasonably expect from myself, what I could reasonably expect from my relationships, etc.

What has your psychiatrist/psychologist suggested?

Perhaps you have seen these?

Antisocial personality recovery workbook: your guide to overcoming selfishness (Health Yard)

Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (Daniel J Fox)

Thank you for your replies. Forever, I'm going to be having an intake with a psychologist today to see if he has the experience working with ASPD to be able to help me. Heph, I originally got that diagnosis 2 years ago and am currently getting another evaluation done currently, hopefully I will be able to find someone that has experience in treating it that can help me change those patterns and behaviors. And I haven't seen those books yet but I will look them up, thank you.