SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My wife and I been married for years but been together 5 years before we got married. She cheated on me before we were married . I found out and she admitted to it. . She said it was because I was always gone and wasn’t giving attention and affection. She said it was about 6 months, she didn’t love him but liked him. We worked on our relationship and reconcile. Everything has been great since.

Yesterday I was walking the dog and my wife was at our neighbors (close friend of hers) house down the street on the front porch visiting. As I turn the corner I seen my wife, her friend the neighbor and a guy talking on the porch. They didn’t see me as I was about 60 seconds away from walking (long street). The guy (he’s married and is the cousin of the guy my wife cheated with and he knows everything and I am sure more than what I was told, wifey know he knows too as They hung out a few times back then, the guy doesn’t know I know that my wife cheated before we were married, The guy would always speak when he sees me) lives across the street from the neighbor. He Walk over to give my wife’s friend a box of left over baked goods from church. When I turn the corner I seen my wife’s friend walk in the house with a box and my wife had small container of cookies. All 3 was never in the house but on the front porch. My wife and the guy were talking which I started to walk a little faster. When wifey seen me about 25 yards away. She said hey honey (to me) can you grab these cookies. The guy back was facing toward me the whole time. When my wife said hey honey, that’s when the guy starting to walk away towards his house. The guy never look back to acknowledge me as he walk off.

This was an awkward moment as my wife looked nervous and the guy didn’t look back (maybe nervous of what I may think).

Did she ask him how her ex lover was? Or did he just start talking about his cousin? Or just friendly conversation? When I ask my wife she just said he was taking about Coronavirus. We’ve been arguing over this for the past few days as I asked her if she was talking about him.

What do you think- about a 60 sec talk? Wife could had a nervous look due to the situation about the ex lover cousin.

[This message edited by Diggity11 at 9:56 PM, March 24th (Tuesday)]

Are you sure it was the neighbour and not the cousin? The way you described his behaviors, especially since he knows you and has spoken to you before, seems odd that he wouldn't at least acknowledge you as he was walking away.

Why exactly is she friends with anyone with any connection to her AP?

Gut feel is very important.

But in this case you may be seeing more than is there. The guy that never turned to face you may very well be innocent but embarrassed because he knew of the affair back then. Depending on his personality he may have been afraid to face you and just ran inside to avoid having to.

But then again - you are posting it up here. Obviously you are worried. My guess is that this was just an innocent thing but the fact that she cheated on you way back then still leaves some scars on the relationship. If you feel comfortable with talking to her about your worries maybe she can assuage them. Hopefully she is committed to you and understands that the hurt she inflicted is always going to be there.

all people that knew about the affair, specially the ones that

knew and did not tell you must be out your WW life forever.

standard recovery practice.

To help clarify - the neighbor is a woman who has no idea about the affair .

The cousin - is the affair partner cousin , who knows about affair but don’t know that I know. The cousin and my wife both know each other knows about the affair.

It was my wife, neighbor and the cousin talking at one point. Neighbor went inside her house . Then it was cousin and my wife chatting.

My wife is not friends with the cousin and they don’t speak. He just happen to walk over there with cookies.

That’s what seems odd- when wife seen me and said hey honey then the cousin started to walk away and didn’t look back . Wife started to walk toward me with a nervous look “like I just saw a ghost”

It could be she was nervous about the situation and could be innocent. It could be he was innocent too as it look awkward.

I just have the gut feeling you know, with being cheated on etc

We’ve been arguing over it past couple of days. I keep telling her to tell me the truth if she asked about him or did the cousin Just talk about how he has been doing.

It wouldn’t be that bad or maybe I wouldn’t think anything of it if I didn’t see both of their reactions when I was getting closer.

Hopefully I can get the truth from her if it’s anything different

Hmm, their behavior is suspect, but play it cool and observe what else is happening. It is worrisome that you accepted some of the blame for her cheating previously. While her complaints may have been legitimate, attempting to solve them by cheating on you is utter bullshit. Kind of like, my house is on fire! Maybe I should pour some gasoline on it too! Right?

Is your wife ever gone longer than makes sense for what she says she’s doing? Review phone records and look for a lot of call between her and a number you do not recognize. Whatever you find, do not confront her yet. Come back here and ask for guidance. You may be dealing with a serial cheater.

Your gut is telling you something is off. Listen to it, but be smart about it. As the old saying goes, trust but verify.

That’s what seems odd- when wife seen me and said hey honey then the cousin started to walk away and didn’t look back.

Your read and suspicions of there body language was spot on, but personally, I think it stemmed from both silently feeling the elephant in the room (the affair) and kind of panicked. To me, if it was more, he'd play it off way better by turning around and greeting you.

The fact that the cousin didn't look back tells me he didn't want to look suspicious, but ended up looking suspicious by trying not to. In his haste, he did the worst thing possible.

I do think some mention or about to be "mentioning" of her XAP was floated out there, due to his "oh shit" departure and her ghostly greeting.

But it didn't go anywhere. It's possible also that no mention was made because both knew what happened, which would make them standing there awkward, and eventually looking nervous and unsettled. It's also possible, I'm giving way too much credit to people and both are guilty as hell.

Wife started to walk toward me with a nervous look “like I just saw a ghost” It could be she was nervous about the situation and could be innocent. It could be he was innocent too as it look awkward.

I agree with you.

I don't know if she asked about xlover or he volunteered it or it was something entirely different.

What I do know is you should always trust your gut. Your gut is telling you something. You felt it at the moment to. When wife's friend went into the house with her cookies and cousin of AP stayed and talked you sped up your walk. As soon as your wife spotted you she called out and cousin abruptly left without a glance. She's deer-in-headlights and he is running away.

What is her explanation of her anxious behaviour? It wasn't about coronavirus. What about his abrupt departure. Her "hey, honey can you grab these cookies" sounds like a warning. She had the cookies. You had the dog.

How do you know wife isn't friends with cousin and they don't talk? Seems they were talking. He delivered cookies to neighbour and didn't leave when she went into the house. Your wife got some cookies, too. Nice of him to have two containers.

In another situation it was my gut feeling is when I question my wife about cheating and she finally admitted to it.

Steadychevy - you explained it perfect about the deer in the headlight scenario. Her explanation of her behavior when she called out “ I saw the look in your face and I knew what you were thinking “. Her explanation of the cousin walk away abruptly “I don’t know why.” She said I could be intimidating ( meaning I workout at the gym and pretty i am a big guy).

She said I could go ask the cousin and the neighbor. I am not sure that’s a good idea as I would feel embarrassed.

The neighbor only had 1 container. My wife know I don’t want her to have conversation with the cousin - only to say hello. I am pretty confident they don’t talk (at least I hope not). You are correct my gut feeling is what I am going with. I am going to continue to get her to tell me the truth or I am considering separation. With all of this that happen many years ago I can’t stand being lied to.