Due to the lovely COVID crisis, my WH and I aren't seeing either ICs or an MC (no video or call options with them and finding new people right now would just be difficult).
At the beginning of everything, we had just switched MCs to someone who specializes in infidelity and has done research. Our old MC was a wonderful person, but TBH was not skilled enough in this area. No disclosure was ever done and I was made to feel like "I" was wrong for not believing him that his A was not sexual (he lied to all of us, his IC, my IC, our MC for two years).
What we did was purchase Stefanie Carnes' new book called Courageous Love, which is really a workbook through things like disclosure and impact statements, etc. It says these things should be done with ICs or MC but since we don't have options for that, we are going it alone.
I'm curious if anyone else also bought it or is using with their therapist and how it's going.
We have done his disclosure already. Which I found extremely helpful as the disclosure he wrote me a year ago only focused on the affair, and this disclosure focused on his entire sexual life and the secrecy surrounding it. I learned a few things I didn't know about stuff that happened at his bachelor party as well as things that happened before we started dating. He also got a lot out of that as well, as he really investigated why he made certain choices throughout his life. Next up is my impact letter and I'm dragging my feet a bit. Facing all of this stuff again has really thrown me for a loop. When I think of things in a global sense, I am ok and detached. When I am confronted with details (like I had him skip the disclosure part of his affair because I haven't heard it since he read it to me a year ago and started hyperventilating when he started into that part.) The PTSD is strong with this and part of me thinks it will be good to process through this stuff and the other part of me physically doesn't want to face it.
