SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just curious to some schedules others have in place for shift workers?

I currently work days and very limited weekends (casual on call). My spouse works 24hour shifts, different days each week. Usually part of 2 weekends in a row, then 2 weekends off in a row.

I want my kids full time obviously, who wouldn’t. I strongly support my children’s time with their Dad as I know it’s best for them...as long as he is sober.

We have many issues to work out yet. He is an alcoholic, sex addict, high risk behaviours, impulsive, has drove drunk with kids at one point, has drank while kids are in his care (luckily I’m always home at supper).

Since I told him I want to separate on New Year’s Eve, he has been white knuckling it and not drinking...feeling rather sad for himself and is staying in the basement. Previously, a lawyer told me as long as he can prove to be sober with the kids he will be granted time with them. Best case scenario, he white knuckles it for his time with them...really the best case would be rehab again but that’s out of my control! Finally seeing what I can and can’t control here.

I’m just trying to grasp ideas of schedules to feel better about my options. I strongly want to fight for at least 60/40 split, he wouldn’t have to pay more $ but I would have more time, even just one more day is worth it.

I feel that a routine will be difficult with his schedule but I could manage it with mine. However, my options for full time work in the near future may include shift work again myself. For today, even for the next year at least, I’m sure I can manage days and extra day shifts only.

Any schedule ideas? Or even schedule parenting apps that you use?

Thanks

I know there are alot of different schedule ideas online as well as parenting apps (although I'm not sure if they cost money.)

Currently me and the STBX do a 50/50 plan with one week one parent and the next week the other parent. I too would rather have 60/40 but don't think it's in the cards for me as I cannot prove him unfit even with SA behavior. He tries to paint me as an absent parent because I work 9-5/5 days a week while he can make his own hours

It sucks seriously I would rather him have every other weekend since I'm the one who practically raised the kids and he likes to take credit. Sorry now i'm venting on your post.

There are a lot of ideas online for different parenting schedules and apps. Then have lawyer write a plan that hopefully you guys can agree on.

Somber- if his schedule slips and slides a lot it may be more important to work on getting right of 1st refusal. That way you'll have an opportunity to have the kids while it counts as his parenting time. And you will want to document that time so you can prove it later- if necessary.

At some point in the future, you may find yourself wanting more control of the time for your own social life. So if you already know how far in advance he knows his schedule (10 days in advance of a whole month's schedule?) you may want to include a cut off date for him to firm up the days for his parenting time.

Does he have any input for his schedule? Can he put in a request for a specific schedule? For example can he request to always have the 2nd full weekend of each month off? That way you would always know you'd at least have that much firm. Maximizing your time with the kids might seem like the only thing to "fight" for right now. And it is important but after a couple years of being at the end of his dragon tail - flipping the schedule at his whim & will- you may get pretty frustrated. So it might be nice to know at least one of the weekends each month you'd be available to spend doing adult things?

Can you find out what is standard in your community?

CBS, thanks. It really isn’t fair, any of this. The sacrifices we have to make to stay sane and be a good parent because we both know staying with them we will never be our best selves. They consume all of our time, energy and at the expense of our mental well being. Vent anytime. I would hate 50/50. I hate any of it really. We weren’t the cause of the marriage ending but we pay a huge consequence losing time with our kids, this is the absolute most heartbreaking part for me.

Rat picker, I just had to look up what the right of first refusal meant. Thanks for that. I sure will look into that as well.

His schedule is pre planned for the whole year. It is predictable and the same each month but each week he works a different set of days. He can’t change it but can do shift swaps if needed sometimes.

My current schedule is predictable too. My hours work within school and daycare hours. However, he does have more days off in a month than me and he works full-time 24 hours shifts.

Maximizing your time with the kids might seem like the only thing to "fight" for right now. And it is important but after a couple years of being at the end of his dragon tail - flipping the schedule at his whim & will- you may get pretty frustrated. So it might be nice to know at least one of the weekends each month you'd be available to spend doing adult things?

It does seem like the only thing to fight for. However, you are right, he will certainly make it frustrating and will expect me to be flexible to meet his needs. On one hand, I’m happy to be because I want to be with my kids, on the other hand that leaves me little room for a planned social life of my own (although I don’t see or care for one at the moment, I suspect that will change).

I’m guessing once I see a lawyer, I will be notified of what is standard.

I was thinking of a 4-3 split. I have the kids Wednesday after school until Sunday. He gets the kids Sunday until he drops them to school Wednesday’s. I suppose because I don’t work weekends, this would give me all the weekends. I’m also catering to him already because he is an alcoholic and the days I have them may be his drinking days. I want to protect them best I can. If I can make that kind of schedule plan and give myself a bit more of a weekend once a month...not sure.

I’m just playing around with schedules but really I guess he has to agree on it too. I wish I could just tell him how it is going to be!