Here's an example of a post he made on another site:
Sorry this happened to you. Your wife, however has gotten away with it and so has he. SO, unfortunately, his wife has to know the truth. Second, she has not had a consequence. Give her some. If she can, have her move out to her parents or a sibling. This is called a trial separation so that you can get this fixed in your head and her concerns at this time is to fix herself and earn her way back to the marriage. Make this important: You both want reconciliation, however her actions show that she is an unsafe spouse. We had infidelity in our home, I demanded a separation, and let her parents in on what happened. I also confronted her AP, outed him to his wife, and had both of them lose their jobs. She thought that if I never found out, she would go to her grave with it. She was like a deer in the headlights when I found out, and I left for a day or so to work it out in my mind. When I did, I pretty much had to put her into a place of zero comfort. Therefore, I took away her security, by having her lose her job, her home and her child in one fell swoop. This jarred her. Not because she was in the affair fog, because suddenly her actions had a price. Telling her mother and father, was consequence, because their love and trust was forever colored by her actions. I set up an appointment with her psychiatrist, having first let him in on what was happening. He, to his credit, after meeting with her, set up five appointments within a two week period to find out what she had not been telling him. I started therapy myself, I was quite clear from the beginning that I was unsure which direction I would go in. Her AP was deported, and I made sure that she knew that it was all on her. Not only did her actions cost her, but he would never be allowed back into our country, and his marriage was over as well, his wife made no bones about her family taking revenge on him when they returned home. Overall, the consequences were difficult for her to shoulder. She discovered that the affair was symptom of deeper problems which over the last number of years were addressed. One further consequence, and she absolutely was aghast at this. I joined XXXXXX XXXXXXX, and had a revenge affair. She knew, I would never look at another woman. I said to her, that I had opportunities to cheat, but would never do so, now she knew that she was responsible for my principles to be compromised. That was the final dagger in her heart. If you ask her today, she cringes at the person she was.
He admitted on here that he was a WH first which led to his wife to have a RA and destroy his business. But on other sites he claims he never ever cheated on her, but then joined a certain modern day dating app for affairs (same one that seems to have made news for a data leak some years back) as revenge. I blocked out the site name because I read somewhere here that we're not allowed to post dating site names. But this dating app detail conflicts with his claims that all of this happened many years, decades even, ago. I don't think that site was around then. Unless he revenge cheated decades after she revenge cheated on him, which wouldn't make much sense either.
Go get the kids, tell her to go live at her parents. You have given her very little in the way of consequences, and I do not give one royal fuck that she went off her meds and this was the result. I would say to her that she got to fuck, and get away with it, now, you are going out to fuck another woman, that is the consequence. My WW, stood there and laughed in my face when I said that to her. I picked up my cell phone, and joined Ashley Madison. She was still laughing, up until my profile started getting hits. Her eyes went wide with: how can you? I made a date, I made sure she was much younger and prettier. I showed my wife the picture and she went ballistic. She threatened to walk, but I told her, if I don't go on these dates (she fucked the guy five times, so I wanted to fuck five times), then I will turn every last piece of evidence over to her mother and father. She literally shit her pants. I was called a fucking bastard for giving her consequences. I said if you do not want to be married, leave, leave the kid, leave the house and leave all the money otherwise shut the fuck up and take your medicine. I then went out on my date. She was incredible in bed, and I let my wife know that. She found out about the next four, I was averaging one every other day. She kept saying that it was her depression that cause her to stray, and I was being a total prick. I said, I suffer from depression just as bad as you do, and I never wanted to stick my dick into strange, well since you did, I consider that the marriage is now open, and my little affairs will close it again. Any more protests. She did not like that every time I went on a date, I told her exactly what we did, what positions and acts (one gave me anal, and my wife would never-so I said I got a bonus)
Some may say that I wanted to torture my wife. No, I wanted her to feel exactly how she made me feel. I felt emasculated, he was short, broke and ignorant. The first night with someone else showed me and her, that I was attractive, could do much better than her, and I told her this, she needed me more than I needed her. The effect on her was profound. She understood within a weeks time that I could walk and she would be left without a husband or a life. She also remembered that I had told her over and over how much I loved her, she did not hear those words for six months. After I was fininshed with my revenge, I told her that now it was up to her to EARN MY LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN.
Married now for 40 years, we got past the bullshit, and my actions were needed to blow her out of the fog, and get her to address her inner demons. She had no boundaries and needed to be brought down to earth. I was not alone in this, however I had to be the prick. Her mom and dad knew, I made sure to tell them and they knew what I had to do to give her necessary consequences. While they did not give me their approval, so to speak, they recognized the need to make her hurt. She was definitely in the fog, and her Mom spent hours trying to tell her that this was a facade. This was not real, and she stood a very good chance of losing it all. My wife, actually told her mom that she did not think I could get many women. She held that belief until I joined Ashley Madison and went out on my first date. She was apoplectic, when I explained to her, if she went on AM, she would not get many hits from men her age or younger. She tried, and got three men, two of which were significantly older than her. Many people put down a revenge affair. It has a specific purpose. It is designed to put the maximum amount of hurt right back onto the wayward spouse. It is for those who no longer care whether or not their spouses want reconciliation, this is to tell them that their actions caused hurt and here is a sample of what you dealt to me.
But here's what he wrote before that on here: (basically admits he had an affair first, different than his other posts)
We ended up in a tit for tat series of revenge. It nearly destroyed us. If you look over my posts, this is the Readers Digest version: I had the original affair. She got back at me by destroying my business and having the bank put me into personal bankruptcy. I considered us even at that point and wanted reconciliation. Nope, she took another step and had an affair. I was told of the affair, and I went nuclear. It was a guy from work. I went to her office, and assaulted the AP, I got both of them fired on the spot. I then told her mother, and her mother turned her back. By the time we were done, she was penniless, living in an apartment she could not afford. I lived in my Moms basement. We were done. I heard through friends that my nuclear reaction did work. In short, Mom & Dad turned their backs, she was blacklisted in her industry and was denied unemployment as she was dismissed for cause. I showed up at her apt, with cash so that she could live. That started our reconciliation. Revenge at all levels destroys lives. I was an angry arsehole. My revenge was geared to thoroughly destroy her and her world. Had I not awakened to that fact, she would have been homeless.
Mine entails revenge, both through an affair, and everything else. I had the affair. My wife, to punish me, had the notes on my business held by her dad, called. That precipitated the bank calling their notes. That forced me into personal bankruptcy. I had already broken up with the AP, and was willing to give it another try with the wife, I figured I got her, and she got me back. No deal. She informed me that she was going to sleep with someone else, and I said, that was doubling on the revenge, and she'd regret it. She laughed. She said a day later that she had slept with a guy named J. He worked at her office. I did not say one further word, except she'd be sorry. I waited behind her office, at the plant employee exit, and called out J's name. One guy turned and I beat the snot out of him. Then, due to a significant amount of rage and anger, I dragged him into her office, and dropped him at the entrance to the boss' office while yelling that the little shit had fucked K, my wife. She stands up, and realizes what is going on. J starts unleashing a torrent at her, she wasn't ever worth this, lousy lay, fat ass, saggy boobs. The boss comes out, shakes his head and fires both of them on the spot. Tells J that he should pack his bags because his sponsorship is over. I hear this, and get details. He's married in Europe, so I arrange a call to his wife through an interpreter. She will be waiting for his return with all of her relatives. My wife says nothing, gets into her car and leaves. I fire my last shot, I call her mom and tell her how her daughter got even with me. She tells me to tell her not to bother coming around. That was scary revenge. I nearly destroyed her. It did precipitate our reconciliation, as I left her with no way to cover the bills. Her industry was really incestuous and it took 8-9 months for her to get another job. I manned up, showed up at her doorstep with cash. First she didn't take it, then she did. Turned into us going for coffee to exchange money and review the bills. Turned into us just going on dates. Turned into us going to MC, and IC. I moved back in around the end of the summer, we have now been married for over 40 years
Overall his posts contradict themselves and all of them tend to have what someone else on another site claimed was a sexist vibe toward women.
[This message edited by teacherjoggergal at 11:34 AM, Sunday, May 31st]
