SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Bonjour à tous,
Je viens ici parce que je suis perdu et que j'ai besoin de l'expérience de personnes qui ont vécu quelque chose de similaire.
Ma femme m'a trompé il y a 14 ans. À l'époque, nous avons décidé de rester ensemble et de continuer notre vie. Au fil des années, nous avons construit une famille, eu des enfants et partagé beaucoup de moments importants.
Pourtant, malgré le temps qui passe, je n'arrive pas à me libérer complètement de cette histoire.
Depuis quelque temps, les images de cette infidélité reviennent dans ma tête de façon de plus en plus fréquente et intense. J'imagine des scènes, je me fais des films, et ces pensées finissent par envahir mon quotidien. Elles me réveillent parfois la nuit et m'empêchent de profiter du présent.
J'ai essayé beaucoup de choses pour avancer, comprendre, pardonner et reconstruire. Mais aujourd'hui, notre couple est au bord de la rupture, en grande partie parce que je n'arrive plus à vivre avec ces images et cette souffrance.
Je recherche des témoignages de personnes qui ont été trompées, qui sont restées avec leur partenaire et qui ont réussi à reconstruire leur couple sur le long terme.
• Comment avez-vous réussi à ne plus être définis par cette histoire ?
• Les images mentales ont-elles fini par disparaître ou perdre de leur force ?
• Qu'est-ce qui vous a réellement aidé à avancer ?
• Votre couple est-il devenu plus fort avec le temps ?
J'aimerais aussi entendre les témoignages de personnes qui ont réussi à apaiser ces images intrusives qui reviennent sans cesse dans leur esprit.
Je ne cherche ni à juger ni à être jugé. J'ai simplement besoin de comprendre s'il est possible de retrouver une vie de couple sereine après tant d'années et comment d'autres y sont parvenus.
Merci à tous ceux qui prendront le temps de me répondre

Rcoda

I don't speak French - however my browser (Firefox) can translate the page quickly.

So:

What enabled me to not divorce - at the time of the cheating - was her coming home crying and begging to not be tossed to the Hyenas. Also, disavowed any physical stuff approaching coitus. It was here paramours asking for coitus that "woke her up" to the fantasy she was executing with the AP. AP was single, mostly a loser both personality and $$ - so she also realized she would likely be back to used a calculator at the grocery to make sure she had the $ to pay for what was in her cart.

That even around 4 decades ago.

It has been a bit of work to control thoughts of "not going there" to think about what she did. I sort of think of the episode of a lost person (she believed I was planning to divorce as she was not quite being matrimonial oriented in mundane domestic needs) and the "real person I married" was still there - just having to adjust to being a married adult.

Also, ever since she has constantly made effort(s) to assure and show that she appreciates me as "domestic life-partner" as well as a passionate lover. Also, she is an artist type and I'm the techie so we dovetail in facing the real world together. Also, again, she knows I am a 101$ infidelity hater and would never cheat on HER!

About a decade ago - the memories become to real and I was not able to dispose of them as I had been doing for years. We had a rough time for several months until she wrote out (decades later!!) the timeline of her cheating. When she was involved w/AP there was no Internet and no cell phones - just land lines. The way I deduced her shenanigans was tracking her time away and what she claimed she was doing as well as miles driven on her vehicle. She knew she was caught when I called AP and asked if he had recently seen wife as I was trying to find her that day. She was at the house (AP) at the time! BINGO! It was a Sunday and she showed up 30 minutes later coming into the house crying and begging - being who I am (mentally challenged at the time regarding infidelity) I capitulated and did not say bad things to her. Just asked a few questions. As noted above - got the timeline decades later when the matter just would not go to rest in my brain.

We are good now - it has been a lot of work -

The requirements: ??
No more cheating in any way, facet, kind, or possible interpretation.
Husband is number one in your life - friends and family come after
Grow up and take care of domestic chores and properly account for $$ (she had her own $$ and was not sharing)
Talk to me if there is something bothering you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But - she is still introvertive and won't share concerns UNTIL something really bothers her. Fortunately - now that we have lived together for decades - such occasion is very rare!

One thing that likely saved us - we both thought the other was a "keeper" in the life-partner sense.

Hope this helps.

One thing I did was read all I could find about "why women cheat" and also:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. (Author)

Very concise and through treatment of how to handle trauma in life.

Another Story of someone who overcame the monster in her past:

Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love
by Marilyn Van Derbur

Marilyn is one REALLY strong woman!!!!