You can read my earlier post on my profile!
My WH and I have been living separately still. I asked for the space because I wanted a place to feel peaceful and not walk on eggshells around him.
We still touch base every day, and he’s willingly showing me his phone. He hasn’t spoken to the OW. However, it’s still gut wrenching.
He still says he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to be romantically interested in me again. There’s too much guilt and shame. And honestly, I know i’m worth more than someone who has lied, cheated and gaslit me into believing his lies over the last year.
Now he says the "kindest thing he could do is let me go and start to heal." I told him I don’t view it as a kindness, that ship sailed in January when he didn’t tell me the truth of how he was feeling. I view it as his inability to fix what he broke based on emotional immaturity and lack of capacity. Because of this, I believe him when he says our relationship is over…but let’s not pretend this is some generosity to me.
We have another couples therapy session on Friday, but honestly i’m so tired and feel like it’s hurting me more to sit there and listen to him talk about how much he’s unsure of me. To me, he has shit to figure out (as do I), and i’m not sure it’s helping us to do it together right now.
I have consulted with two lawyers and a divorce mediator. I’m prepared to make that call, he seems resigned to it as well….likely because he’s had 10-11 months to come to a conclusion before dropping it on me Oct 1.
Im considering asking WH for a pause on all logistical divorce talk until January just to give myself time to process - but maybe that’s a mistake?
[This message edited by stayg0lden at 8:22 PM, Tuesday, October 27th]
