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my wife cried too. she said she would never do this stuff again and that shes telling me because she wants me to have the full truth. she says she will do whatever it takes to help me heal and to try to undo/repair/heal the damage that she has done. she held me. told me it wasnt my fault. that it was hers, all hers. that she was so stupid. i dont see how she could turn her love on and off. she says she loved me before, during, and now. she says that she was so angry at everyone, especially me. but that her anger wasnt why she did this. she says she doesnt know yet. she felt like a wild animal.

Hi william, sounds like your wife's sense of empathy seems to be growing each time you go over this. As painful as a process this is for the two of you, I can see where both of you are emotionally growing as individuals and together. I still believe that you are going to come out the other side of this stronger. I also understand that the worst is yet to come for the ground that you are going to cover. Still, I choose to see positive signs here.

I really hope your wife spends the rest of her life appreciating what she has in you and your daughter and never forgets it.

i dont see how she could have loved me and done all of this. this wasnt love.

You're right. This was some sort of demented reality that was taking place in her head and she was acting it out. Know that it was not you.

i try to focus on the positive but its hard sometimes to lose sight of that and get pulled down into a quagmire of depressive thoughts. the mind movies and nightmares are hellish.

we sold the car today - the one that my wife used for her first one night stand. having that car gone is like a load of bricks removed from my back. it does make life difficult though because we do NOT want to buy another car while in italy. we got into a car share car program where we pay by the kilometer/minute instead.

my wife also has made 3 appointments to get the tattoo on her arm covered - the one made by ONS guy 2. in one way its going to be great to have that gone. in another ... her going to a tattoo place triggers me a bit because she messed around with TWO guys from tattoo parlors.

I told my wife about how I felt relieved and happy that this tattoo would be gone AND worried about "another" tattoo parlor. She said I knew you would feel that way, that's why I got one close to home - so you can come too, if you want. I was surprised she had thought of it and that she had thought of it meant so much to me. It made me feel safe and like she really got it.

[This message edited by william at 1:53 AM, June 21st (Saturday)]

Great post william. Sounds like your wife is really starting to get it and is very much thinking of you in her thought processes. Another positive.

Thanks for sharing.

ive taken a break for a few weeks. i just didnt feel strong enough to dig into more, to hear more, to find out more. tonight ive started towards healing again.

Stay strong. From reading your many posts detailing your conversations with WW, you are getting stronger and more

settled with yourself.

Great to hear from you william! I was about to send out a search party if you went much longer. Good that you took a probably much needed break.

Sending you strength