180 sounds like a great plan...
We tried MC w/o my ExH ever being remorseful (and the worst MC I think on the face of this earth, who would also be his IC .....) and it was a waste of time and money. MY money no less. When they are remorseful there is NO question .... you will know!! You won't be asking "Are they remorseful" because they will be and there will be no question in your mind!
As for a comment you made recently ... so why can't you leave her and separate? Why can't she get a J.O.B?? So maybe she has to move elsewhere for a while in order to support herself .... and that is going to hurt how??? Because she has to work a little??? (Sometimes sound financial decisions are the ones you make for the LONG term, not in terms of the immediate moment!!) Becuase her cushie little life isnt there for her? Maybe she will learn something valuable from that experience. Why can't you get custody of you daughter while she goes and gets her act together? Sounds like it would be good for her ....
Sorry for the 2x4 but you are struggling with this and at some point something has to give. There are other options and there are ways to make separating work. Maybe she has to go live with her family for a while to figure out what she needs to do to function but you need to get your life in order and her being there just sounds, well, not very good for YOU.
You will all survive, the question is, do You want to continue to live the way you have been? If not it sounds like You are going to have to shake it up and make some changes. She isn't going to, why should she? She has it great .... she "suffers" over the loss of her OM (are you monitoring her phone/internet closely? Have you checked for secret phone (Recently!!) ...... there is something in some of these last posts that makes me wonder about her .... can't put my finger on it), yet she still has her no-job life, someone is paying her bills ...... see where I am going?? All she has to do is the bare minimum to keep her life ....... Yes, she is the mother of your daughter and she should have ACTED like a good mother/wife and she didn't and still doesn't! If you can find a way (and you can, lots of people, even fathers, do!!! You are smart and resourceful .... think of 10 different ways ... they are out there!!). You are doing a great job of lifting yourself out of where you are from the sounds of it .... the next steps might be the hardest but they could have to most impact. You cannt make the choices for her about her life, but you can about yours. It took me a LONG time to learn and get this but once I did my life changed profoundly. Not the way I wished for, but in my case, probably the only way I could have ever remained safe and ultimately happy.
Nothing is the end of the world .... some changes just send us down paths that are dark and kind of scarry at first, but once you get there you might find something far better then you once had ... and it might even be repairing your marriage, even if for a while you need to walk away for both of you to regroup ..... or a life better then it is now ...
BTW: She has said some pretty cruel and heartless things to you. Fog or not, sometimes it is worth stepping out and figuring if this is really the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with .... Yes, we ALL want someone to grow old with, but is she the TYPE of person .... some things I wish I had thought of earlier ......
