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Forensic results from reputable lab:

Conclusions:

- The stain material from the sample shows chemical similarities to a mixture of oils/waxes by FTIR. Also

present is a variety of minerals/elements such as iron oxides, zinc oxides, etc.

- This combination is consistent with a variety of cosmetic based products such as lipstick, makeup, hair

pigment, etc.

Procurement of Samples and Analytical Overview:

The material for analysis arrived at EMSL Analytical (Cinnaminson, NJ) on 05/29/2012. The package arrived in

satisfactory condition with no evidence of damage to the contents. The purpose of the analysis is to determine the

identification of the individual components. The data reported herein has been obtained using the following

equipment and methodologies.

Methods & Equipment: Stereo Light Microscopy (LM)

Polarized Light Microscopy (PLM)

Scanning Electron Microscopy (SEM)

Energy-dispersive X-Ray Spectrometry (EDX)

Fourier Transform Infrared Spectrometry (FTIR)

Analyzed by: 06/12/2012

**STOP POSTING PERSONAL NAMES***

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 9:08 AM, June 13th (Wednesday)]

(((((((itsovernow))))))))

i'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this to get the truth

have you shared the results with your wh yet? do you intend to?

how are you coping with all of this?

you have the knowledge and proof now, you were right, you can trust yourself and instincts, you knew honey, you were right

we're here for you

Oh sweetie, please be careful. This info may send him into a rage. Please think about how you can protect yourself. I am so worried for you.

I told him as soon as I received the results. He knew that these were going out. My ipod chimed to let me know I had mail and I opened it and I just couldn't believe what I was reading.

WH denies denies denies. He is angry that I won't trust him that its not lipstick. He had his boss talk to me(you know the Sunday school teacher) well his boss started saying how sad it is that I couldn't trust my husband and how good of a man my WH is, how he would never ever cheat on me and its a shame that I'm not enjoying my husband. Do I have fool written on my forehead?

Seriously?!

Major Gaslighting.

Thats all you need. You have the proof. Just leave. Don't confront, don't explain, just leave.

A shelter, a friend, a hotel, whatever. Get yourself safe and call a lawyer today.

(((itsovernow)))

WH denies denies denies. He is angry that I won't trust him that its not lipstick.

sweetie, this dance will go on forever, you know that, don't you? It will end when you say so.

Honey, you email your husband's boss and tell him you knew it was lipstick when you saw it. Having the undies tested WAS giving your H the benefit of the doubt. Forward him the results. I bet your husband has him convinced the lab gave inconclusive results and you're creating a positive result out of nothing.

What are you going to do with this info now? Are you going to file? Are you going to make him leave the house? Are you going to continue to 180 hard until you can do those things?

Whatever your plan... good luck!

Here is my rough draft of my plan:

1.I'm going to 180 until I can feel more confident about filing for divorce.

2.I'm an ebayer with tons of legos, lego star wars, ect... I'm going to liquidate these even though I didn't want to.

3.I have a lot of other old collectible toys. I'm going to liquidate and stash the cash. Anything ebayable will be ebayed.

4. I'm going to start putting away special things like pictures, and stuff my children made me in school over the years.

5. I'm going to take advantage of my WH by taking care of myself of "his bill". I'm going to get my hair done. I need to feel better about myself. This is my gift to myself.

6. I will start counseling. I need this for myself. I need to have an outlet to vent.

7. There is a lady at my church I've talked to a few times. She is single and lives one town over. I will try to reach out to her.

8. I am going to try to reach out to a different church.

9. I will have a private visit with an attorney. I will find out my rights.

10. I will try to keep the house as peaceful as possible for the children whilst packing up and planning for my future.

Any other suggestions? I need time. My three oldest are fearful and have heard the arguments and know what is going on. I'm so ashamed.

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 8:50 AM, June 13th (Wednesday)]

itsovernow...

Please do not post personal information such as your eBay seller name and the Dr that performed the test.

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 9:26 AM, June 13th (Wednesday)]

I'm so sorry. You have a good plan! I hope everything works out quickly for you!

You have nothing to be ashamed about ION. I would reach out on FB and see if your area has a local sales group. Being able to avoid ebay fees might help you a lot. Amazon might be a good place to sell too.

You can also check out Textbroker.com for quick earnings.

I'm so,so sorry. Isn't it ironic that your husband insisted on the forensic analysis---yet now denies its veracity. My personality-disordered husband displays this kind of magical thinking--he is so certain of his ability to manipulate his way out of any outcome.

You have a really great plan. I agree that it's unwise to post your ebay information, but if you feel safe PMing it, I would love to see your items.

(You reminded me that I have a handful of items I want to list for some quick $$--thank you.)

Besides having his boss talk to you, what has he done?

Has he been open and transparent? After all, those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. A good husband who is concerned for his wife's feelings won't try to make her shove everything down.

A loving husband would recognize that even if it's not true, the suspicions are a symptom of something amiss in your M and work at getting help to communicate and interact better. He would strive to make you feel safe, not fly at you like a momma bird attacking to protect her nest.

(((itsovernow))) I am so sorry. Your plan sounds good. Take good care of yourself. Keep reading SI & getting stronger.

(((hugs)))

I'd go to his boss with a copy of the results. Tell him your husband insisted his underwear be tested and this was the result. Lipstick.

Then I'd tell him you'd appreciate it if he stayed out of what's left of your marriage. That clearly he doesnt know your husband very well,and unfortunately neither do you.

Tell him you enjoyed your husband just fine. but clearly someone wlse was "enjoying" him at the same time.

I think your plan is a great one. Be very careful not to tip your WS off. I think if you back down though,he will get suspicious. Tell him you did what he said and the results came back as makeup. The lab has no reason to lie,but he does.

See...you're not crazy or dumb, as your WH would like you to believe

Your plan sounds good, but if at any time his actions cause the hair on your back to rise, grab the kids and get the hell out of there.

I know what having a plan is. My 1st husband wasn't an abuser in the violent way (until I filed), he just was a psychopath & one of the reasons I stay here on SI, for others who come into contact with the ilk of mankind.

Now my present H, he's another story & after 14 yrs of his on and off acting out, I've finally availed myself again to an IC. Right now we are exploring whether my mother was an Narcissist (NPD). It seems the children of same are drawn to NPD's & it's not looking good for me, I might just fight that mould.***errgh, fit that mould**

So I'm going to pass on to you, some of the advice I've been given and that is to study Sam Vaknin..a world renown specialist on Narcissism who also happens to be one. You can find him on Youtube on not one, but two channels...he's a NPD, what would you expect But he has a thick accent & a monotone voice, so it's not easy listening.

What I found last night by Sam, (http://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/narcissism-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd/) I think would really be great for you to read & use to handle your H under these new circumstances, if the proverbial push comes to shove. Read the definition of a narcissist very carefully on the intro page and follow it through...there's some excellent tips on passively & not so passively avoiding the abuser. And make sure you also continue to drop by the NPD I Can Relate Forum. We've got your back.

One thing I didn't see on your list & I think you need to figure out a way to do this..whether as acknowledging to him it is a punishment is to get some freedom from him, so he isn't at your side every moment. Sam explains abandonment issues and there may be a way to use this to your advantage.

Hang tough....oh and as for his boss? He wouldn't be the first minister that has his own sinister secrets. I'd just ignore him or thank him for his concern & then just ignore him...and yes, find a new church!

[This message edited by oldtimer97 at 12:42 AM, June 14th (Thursday)]

Oh, FYI..in case someone posts after my first post...you can now trade in books, movie DVDs, games & a few other items to Amazon and get Amazon credit. Okay, lawyers aren't accepting those credits yet, but hey, if you can't sell that stuff outright through Ebay, Amazon or ??, it will at least get you other stuff

ETA: One more thing. The FTIR in your report...as your H yells fake? This is a good description from a scientific study:

This work investigates whether Fourier transform infrared spectroscopy (FTIR), in combination with multivariate analysis, can distinguish extra virgin olive oils from different producing countries. Duplicate spectra were collected from 60 oils from four European countries........However, FTIR analysis is rapid, and this work shows that it has the required discriminatory power to potentially offer a “black box” method of screening oils to verify their country of origin.

If it weren't so tragic how deluded he is, it's hilarious he demanded you send them in for analysis. Guess he doesn't watch or read anything about true crime analysis to say the least.

[This message edited by oldtimer97 at 1:29 PM, June 13th (Wednesday)]

(((hugs))) It sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I am sorry for your hurt. You sure sound like a smart and strong woman. Your kids are lucky!!Stick to your plans and stay strong!One day this nightmare will melt into a good life for you...I just know it!

I think what angers us BS most is

When you have 100% proof and

WS does everything in their power to tell you that you're the crazy one.

That is how people end up on

The show SNAPPED.

You sound like you have a very good plan. Even with lab results he says no?!!

so wierd that i have used the term gaslighting to my WH for eons to describe what he does and how much he lies about his drinking ( i even made him watch the movie..he doesnt get it)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. Be careful about ebay also, it could be considered income, you need to contact your lawyer regarding alimony etc.