SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Your BGF sounds like she is going through what I am. Thanks for posting. I feel more normal.

BGF here too. I am two years out from it though.

I want to assure you that what she is going through and how she is acting is totally normal... even though some of the behavior seems weird...

I know that I hung on to every single word my WBF said when discussing the A. I would draw conclusions just based on his TONE, and run with it.

It is very traumatic, and we (BS) feel caught up in the vortex of a tornado...

She may say and expect some crazy shit for a while. Just be patient and understanding. Give it TIME... like Basic Guy said - it takes a lot of TIME - and there is nothing else that can substitute that.

Good luck

do things with her that you never did with her before. in bed

I would not suggest doing this. She may assume you learned these "new things" from the other women. You do not need that trigger.

Wow Corinthians13, your now husband must be thanking you. I imagine he must have been apologizing like crazy right? Glad it work out between the both of you, that must be hard.

@ Maidencakes - Not really. I can say he initially felt horrible and spoke of remorse but with the wedding date rapidly approaching I had to decide was I in or was I out? I naively thought I could just forgive since he WAS very remorseful without doing the real work to get at hidden issues. Now that we have had a D-day two, I see that it was wise to forgive, I am not sorry I married him, BUT if I had insisted on the things I now have learned there may not have been another d-day. We are as in love, but we see that you can't skip getting at the core issues and making changes that will allow your relationship to stand the test of time. This may be like DUH!! to most of you but for us these keys to lasting positive relationships are new.

I am very happy with the way things are progressing. We are having many more good days than bad days, though there are still triggers such as when we watched the Sex in the City movie and Steve had one instance and confessed and Miranda was so upset for a lot longer than what we are experiencing. We are also taking apart the previous conversations where I made things much worse with my selfishness, defensiveness, and downright heartlessness. I have taken a long look in the mirror and I hate what I see. Unfortunately, a side effect is that I start to wonder why in the world BGF would want to try to make it work.

She would try to make it work xyzaffair because she loves you enough that she willing to give you the chance to prove her that beyond the actually betrayal incidence, you care a lot about her (I'm sure you do else you would not be posting nor recognizing your flaws, which everyone has). Anyways what you guys doing for Christmas, try giving her what she likes the most and at the ending of the present's card put 'I love you soo much (BGF's name). Happy Holidays.

I caught my WH in the act. Nothing but times takes that horribleness away. I mean, I still have the movie image, but I can think about it without a panic attack now. Took me about a year to quit triggering over that memory. However, what came in the place of that is how horrible my WH treated me after the A. I say treat her awesome now, and don't create any new bad memories, and you may recover.

The bedroom is not a place to experiment now. Right now, it's probably hard enough for her to engage in missionary. Now is the time to "make love" to her in bed. Not experiment. Her self-esteem is probably in the dumps. Try to focus on getting her to feel better outside of the bedroom, and the rest will follow.

I would take her to special places that you or she has always wanted to do/go. Everything in the past now has been "ruined" in her mind. Your favorite restaurant, or park etc. is tainted. Don't take her to those types of places. Everything has to be new.